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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people join distance-learning programs (studys material, post, TV, İnternet) and study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefit as attending collages or universities does. Do you agree or disagree.

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In
this
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 modern era, learning has become rigid and complicated because there are numerous ways to obtain knowledge. Many believe that off-campus training is the best method of learning but other argues that nothing beats in-person education. It is agreed that attending school serves more benefit to
students
Use synonyms
 than studying through
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
. Being said,
students
Use synonyms
able
Add a missing verb
are able
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 to enjoy social life,
as well as
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 motivated to learn at school.
To begin
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 with, having a social life is a crucial part of a student's life. It improves the mental development and well-being of an individual.
For instance
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, colleges
has
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have
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 the environment of linking people together by organising group projects. Where
students
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 come together to work toward the same goal.
Thus
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, helping them to work together and make friends for the rest of their lives.
However
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, it is not possible to achieve staying at home. Being present in the classroom helps
students
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 to stay motivated toward their studies because there is always a teacher to help them solve problems and emotionally support them to perform better.
For example
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, In a classroom
students
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 are less distracted and focused because there is the presence of higher authority.
Also
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, if
students
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 fail to understand the concept in
classroom
Add an article
the classroom
a classroom
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 they can meet their teacher after the class to clear their doubts.
Although
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, at
home
Add a comma
home,
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 it is hard to find someone to explain difficult subjects.
Moreover
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, there are numerous distractions at home for a student to learn.
To sum up
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, long-distance learning could be beneficial for
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 but not serve the same benefit as in-person learning. Development of mental and motivation to study is done well by making friends at school rather than just sitting in front of a computer screen. I think
,
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apply
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 It is always
good
Correct word choice
better
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 to get
hands on
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hands-on
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 training than online
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of the discussed reasons.

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider providing more detailed and specific examples to substantiate your points. This will help in creating a stronger argumentation.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, ensure that your ideas are more explicitly linked with transitional phrases. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, helping to frame the essay effectively.
logical structure
The essay demonstrates a logical structure with paragraphs dedicated to distinct main ideas and supporting arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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