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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, too much money is spent by governments and individuals for national days such as New Year and religious festivals. To what extent you agree or disagree?

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National
days
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 and religious
festivals
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 are often celebrated with much enthusiasm in many countries.
While
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 some people argue that governments and individuals spend excessive amounts of
money
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 on these
events
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, others believe that these celebrations are essential for cultural and social reasons. In my opinion, the financial resources allocated to
such
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 festivities could be better used
elsewhere
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, though there are arguments in
favor
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favour
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 of investing in them for their cultural significance. On the one hand, there is no denying that the amount of
money
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 spent on national
days
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 and religious
festivals
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 can be excessive. Governments often allocate significant budgets for public celebrations, including fireworks, concerts, and large-scale public
events
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.
For example
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, in many countries, the cost of organizing grand parades or spectacular
firework
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fireworks
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 displays can run into millions of dollars.
Additionally
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, individuals spend large amounts of
money
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 on gifts, travel, and hosting gatherings. These funds could be better spent on more pressing issues,
such
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 as healthcare, education, or poverty alleviation, which would have a more lasting impact on society.3
On the other hand
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, national
days
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 and religious
festivals
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 hold great cultural and social importance. They provide opportunities for people to come together, celebrate their shared identity, and strengthen community bonds. In many countries, these
events
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 are an integral part of national pride and cultural heritage.
Furthermore
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, the festive season can stimulate the economy by boosting tourism, supporting local businesses, and creating temporary employment opportunities.
For example
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,
festivals
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such
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 as New Year or Christmas create demand for hotels, restaurants, and local artisans, which can be beneficial to small businesses. In conclusion,
while
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 it is true that governments and individuals spend significant amounts of
money
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 on national
days
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 and religious
festivals
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, the cultural and economic benefits they bring cannot be overlooked.
However
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, a balance should be struck, and efforts should be made to ensure that
such
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 celebrations do not come at the expense of more urgent social needs. In my view, moderate spending on these
events
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 is justified, but excessive expenditure should be avoided.

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task achievement
Although the points are well covered, elaborating more on how governments and individuals can reinvest funds elsewhere could enhance the analysis depth.
task achievement
Try to present counterarguments a bit more comprehensively to show consideration of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs to further improve the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured paragraphs with clear main points make the essay easy to follow.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided, enhancing the connection between ideas and real-world application.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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