IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays famous people are photographed by professional photographers everywhere they go. Some people say this is a good thing because the public are interested in their lives. Other people think that photographers are wrong to follow famous people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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With the evolution of the fashion industry,
one
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 of the integral parts of every new trend is particularly arising from celebrities' choices of outfits,
hence
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, some
people
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 are interested in following their lives through photographs taken by paparazzi and consider it right.
While
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on the other hand
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, some
people
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 consider
this
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 action inappropriate to disturb them and I absolutely advocate
this
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 insight. On the
one
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 side, the first group enjoy watching celebrities and expects them to regard it normal to get followed and photographed by the paparazzi and perceive it as their jobs' main component. Essentially, it is believed that famous
people
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 must contribute to shooting pictures because
this
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 elevates their fame even higher and they assume it beneficial to take
this
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 action more often.
For instance
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, if a new singer gets to be seen more in magazine news she undoubtedly will gain more views on social media
as well as
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earning
Wrong verb form
earn
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 extra money from these platforms and regard it as
one
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 of the fundamentals of their profession. On the flip side, the second group including me think that capturing the private moments of celebrities without their consent is more than disturbing and should be prohibited.
Therefore
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,
this
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 may hold back the strong talents from
getting
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becoming
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 more successful because of the fear of extreme disturbances.
For example
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,
one
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 of my friends from our theatre class , Sarah ,got accepted to act in a well-known TV show and ever since she has not
willing
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been willing
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 to attend any crowded area just because the crowd kept interrupting him every single time. In conclusion ,
although
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 some in public assume it
a
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is a
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right for the paparazzi to photo-shoot famous
people
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 in their everyday lives, I strongly agree with the other side of the controversy to respect their privacy and get consent in advance.

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Coherence & Cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the essay, ensure your main points clearly support the thesis throughout the body paragraphs. Consider using clearer topic sentences to guide your reader through each argument.
Task Achievement
You've addressed both viewpoints and provided your own opinion, meeting the task's requirements. However, your examples could be more varied and detailed to more effectively illustrate your points. Try to use more real-world examples.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is crucial for this task type. Good job in stating your opinion clearly and keeping it consistent throughout the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have structured your essay well, with distinct paragraphs for each point. This enhances readability and ensures your arguments are logically organized.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Celebrity status
  • Public interest
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Mental health impact
  • Media scrutiny
  • Personal freedom
  • Ethical considerations
  • Public figure
  • Consent
  • Balance
  • Surveillance
  • Unwanted photography
  • Admiration
  • Inspiration
  • Intrusive
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