IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?h

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Sports is a holistic activity that involves physical, mental, social and spiritual. It takes a lot of courage and determination to be
a
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apply
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good at sports.
First,
Linking Words
boxing is ideal for men who are fit and disciplined. They have to endure the long hours of training and body pain. The training consists of waking up early in the morning to compose yourself,
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
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nutritous
Correct your spelling
nutritious
 food and meditation. The goal of boxing is to win against the
oppoppent
Correct your spelling
opponent
 by hitting their face, abdomen and arms. The strike of the fist looks like it is a violent sport, but the pride and joy
comes
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come
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 after winning in a fair and regulated competition.
For example
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, Manny Pacquiao doesn't violate any rules of the game and just
focus
Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
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 on hitting the target areas. He made himself known as a multiple champion in his field.
Secondly
Linking Words
, martial arts is
way
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a way
the way
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 of
self defense
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self-defense
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. It
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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originated from mainland China as a tool to protect yourself from being harmed. It comes with different styles and
technique
Fix the agreement mistake
techniques
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 which
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
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 arm movement, flying kick, bending and split. It is forbidden to use any technique as an act to bully others or initiate fights without any reason.
For example
Linking Words
, you beat up someone who didn't do any trouble or harm to you. It is against the principle of
self defense
Add a hyphen
self-defense
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.
Lastly
Linking Words
, I will not agree to
get
Verb problem
ban
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 sports
banned to
Verb problem
from
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 international sporting competitions since they still follow the rules and regulations of the sport.

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task achievement
Develop a more comprehensive and balanced argument by discussing both sides of the argument to achieve a higher score for Task Achievement.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical progression of ideas by ensuring each paragraph smoothly connects with the others.
coherence cohesion
Consider starting your essay with a clear thesis statement and ending with a strong conclusion summarizing your arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples, such as Manny Pacquiao, to support the argument presented.
coherence cohesion
Main points, such as the discipline required in boxing and the purpose of martial arts, are well-supported with details.
task achievement
The essay attempts to approach the topic from different angles, discussing aspects of training and philosophy behind the sports.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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