Some people believe that to reduce the amount of time people spend commuting (travelling to work), parks and gardens close to city centres should be replaced by apartment buildings for commuters to live in. However, others disagree with this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #amount #time #work #parks #gardens #city #centres #apartment #buildings #commuters

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With more people comes more traffic;

as a result

, going to work timely in the morning is a real issue for those who live in the outskirts. To solve

this

problem, some argue to build apartments over city parks and gardens that are nearer to workplaces

while

others disagree, including me.

This

essay will discuss both views in detail and

then

explain why I think

this

is a bad idea. Those who are in favour of

this

idea find that workers can reach the office quicker

while

saving transportation costs. To illustrate, someone travelling from West London to the centre has to pay and travel twice as much as someone who already resides there.

Instead

, having the option to already live around the place of work should help to not only cut time and save money but to

also

improve congestion. So making rooms in the middle of the city for the commuters can be beneficial for them.

However

, others gravely disagree and argue to safeguard the natural environment. They argue that the greens are necessary to provide fresh air and oxygen in a polluted metropolitan area.

For example

, the trees in London parks are responsible for converting about 65% of the carbon dioxide released by cars.

This

means that if there were no parks at all,

then

the city would face heavier pollution that directly affects the health of the population.

This

is why many feel that natural fertilisers

such

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

garden

Fix the agreement mistake

gardens

show examples

should be protected as opposed to being destroyed for making new residences.

To conclude

although

there are numerous benefits for employees to live near their workplaces

due to

the aforementioned discussion, public gardens should not be harmed because of it. I believe that natural fertilisers should be respected

as well as

protected since they immensely help to improve the air for humans.

Submitted by Mazam on Fri Oct 13 2023

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Form and structure

To further enhance your essays, consider integrating more complex structures and varied sentence forms to add sophistication to your argumentation.

Variance in Expression

Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely, especially when detailing arguments or providing examples.

Structure

Your essay demonstrates a clear and logical structure, making your arguments easy to follow.

Intro/Conclusion

Introduction and conclusion are well-presented, effectively framing your discussion.

Use of Examples

You effectively used specific examples to support your main points, enriching your argument.

Task Response

Your discussion provides a complete response to the task, covering both views and explicitly stating your own opinion.

Clarity & Comprehensiveness

Ideas are presented clearly and are comprehensive, contributing to a persuasive argument.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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