IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

If old people are no longer physically, mentally, or financially able to look after themselves, younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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As people grow old it gets tough to look after every aspect of life, some might struggle to maintain health and finances, at that time it should be a responsibility for the younger members of the family to look after the elderly. I agree with the statement,
it
Correct word choice
that it
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 is a moral obligation of the children to take care of their parents in old age. Life gets difficult when we cross a certain age, our body and mind need more rest and recovery time. As
in
Change preposition
apply
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our immune system gets weak
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we cannot fight all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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diseases, rendering our ability to work
efficently
Correct your spelling
efficiently
.
Moreover
Linking Words
 most of the elderly find it difficult to carry out day-to-day tasks. Eventually, they find themselves in need of assistance. At
this
Linking Words
 time most of them turn to their offspring in the hope that they will look after them and assist them, which is very common in most of the Nations.
For example
Linking Words
; most of the children live with their parents for as long as possible.
However
Linking Words
, there are some cases where elders are neglected. Most of
this
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 exists in metro cities where the husband and the wife both are focused on their career and unable to support family members in need. In
such
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Correct article usage
a senerio
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senerio
Correct your spelling
scenario
scenarios
, they should invest in a caretaker that will offer assistance to the elderly, or even retirement houses are
also
Linking Words
 convenient,
they
Correct word choice
as they
show examples
 are surrounded by same-age people making them feel comfortable and in the presence of someone to talk to. All in all, It should be a moral responsibility rather than a legal responsibility to take care of the old members as they were there to help us when we were young so it is our duty to reciprocate the same for them.

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your main points, providing detailed explanations and additional supporting examples to strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving sentence structures to enhance readability. Ensure that each paragraph logically flows from one to the next, using transitional phrases where appropriate.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulates the main idea efficiently.
task achievement
The essay presents a strong moral argument about the responsibility of children to care for their elderly parents, maintaining relevance to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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