IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe it is a good idea to socialize with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Others think it is important to keep work life completely separate from social life. This essay will discuss both views and present my opinion.

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These days, there is widespread disagreement on the issue of extending relations with
co-workers
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 or not.
While
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 some consider
this
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 beneficial for employees, others argue that not broadening relationships with
colleagues
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 is more advisable. In
this
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 essay, I will explore both these views and present my personal perspective. First of all, many populations believe that spending time with
colleagues
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 outside of
work
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 could play a crucial role in fostering their relationships. Having socialized outside of
work
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 provides the opportunity and time to talk about preferences and favourites, which makes
co-workers
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 more familiar with each other's characteristics and personalities, leading to the sustainability of their relationships.
For instance
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, going to a cinema with
colleagues
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 and discussing the movie could help them discover their co-worker's way of thinking and interests.
This
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 approach,
therefore
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, could pave the way to build a novel link.
On the other hand
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,
however
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, some workers contend that association with coworkers outside of
work
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 could lead to insurmountable consequences. Workplaces are competitive environments, where employees compete to receive higher salaries
as well as
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 promotions.
Nonetheless
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, gatherings beyond
work
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 environments could make
co-workers
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 more aware of each other's private
work
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 issues.
For example
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, the intimacy that emerged after spending additional time with
co-workers
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 would allow them to ask about the salaries and bonuses they receive at
work
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, which would stimulate their jealousy.
Consequently
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, these feelings might make them manipulate their
colleagues
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' documents on their personal computers or publish wrong reports about them to underestimate their efficiency and accuracy or taint their personality at
work
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. By way of conclusion,
although
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 broadening connections will workers outside of
work
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 could bond relations and prevent solidarity, I feel that it could be accompanied by negative impacts on workers' outlet.
Furthermore
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, if occupants of all jobs wish to make quick progress in their professions, they should avoid indiscriminate links.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a more balanced view in each body paragraph. Make sure that both sides are explored equally, rather than giving one side more emphasis than the other.
task achievement
Add a brief summary of your main points in the conclusion to reinforce what you've discussed in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance the overall fluency of your writing.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of different perspectives.
task achievement
Good use of examples to support your points, such as the cinema analogy, which adds relatability to the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • professional boundaries
  • team-building activities
  • mental health
  • cohesive work environment
  • personal development
  • workplace relationships
  • informal networking
  • job satisfaction
  • clear boundaries
  • personal well-being
  • common goals
  • burnout prevention
  • sense of belonging
  • achieving balance
  • privacy maintenance
  • career benefits
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