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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The perspectives on what kind of lifestyle
people
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 nowadays live vary significantly. Some
people
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 look upon modern life as more independent than previous,
while
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others
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 are convinced that now we rely more on each other. As far as I am concerned, I am strongly in
favor
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favour
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 of the latter statement, and the reasons will be thoroughly elaborated on as follows. An array of factors might lead to why individuals seem more independent in
this
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 modern world. First of all, everyone can entertain themselves without interacting with
others
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 since the rapid development of technology. To be more specific, there are numerous activities that enable us to do on our own thanks to access to the Internet.
For instance
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, during holidays, many young adults prefer to spend their time watching movies on mobile phones or iPads, which still brings them happiness even if staying alone at home.
Furthermore
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, with the souring living costs, the majority of
people
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 are forced to live independently to save money.
This
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 is because we often make unnecessary purchases on impulse when going out with friends.
On the other hand
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, in my opinion,
people
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 tend to be more dependent on
others
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 for several causes.
To begin
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 with, the number of multinational businesses in many industries rose sharply, resulting in more opportunities for cooperation across different departments in a company.
For example
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, product managers at Google need to hold numerous online meetings with workers from both the risk management and the software development teams every day.
In addition
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, the prevalence of social media strengthens
people
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’s bonds with each other. Users can not only text messages to their friends but
also
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 leave comments below the posts by strangers.
In contrast
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, the traditional lifestyle is limited to talking face-to-face, so
people
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 might be focused more on their own lives rather than
others
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. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned,
people
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 become more dependent on each other
due to
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 the increasing chances of working with
others
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 and communication brought by social media.

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task achievement
Provide more in-depth analysis and examples for each viewpoint. This will make your arguments stronger and your response more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly links back to the main idea discussed in your introduction. This will help maintain a logical flow in your response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your argument and wraps it up well.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples such as the use of technology in isolation and multinational business operations, which illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The text follows a logical structure with separate paragraphs discussing each point of view, making it easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interdependence
  • globalization
  • technological advancements
  • collective action
  • digital evolution
  • minimal reliance
  • direct interaction
  • empowered
  • access to technology
  • societal expectations
  • personal choice
  • leverage
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