Schools should teach children the academic subjects which have a close relationship with their future careers, so other subjects like music and sports are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some suggest that schools should focus only on those

subjects

Use synonyms

which are directly related to helping them choose their profession in future rather than incorporating other

subjects

Use synonyms

like music and

sports

Use synonyms

Change preposition

apply

show examples

into the curriculum. In my opinion, I disagree with the given statement.

Firstly

Linking Words

, all the

subjects

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have equal importance for

children

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's growth and behavioural well-being whether it is an academic subject or

extra curricular

Correct your spelling

extracurricular

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activities.

Students

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have different tendencies of learning in every subject. Their interests

also

Linking Words

vary from one another.

According to

Linking Words

their interest, they focus on some

subjects

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more which they enjoy studying and some they just get passing grades to get promoted to the next class. School curriculum is the foundation of

children

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where they develop different types of talents, improve their skills and enhance their knowledge with the help of their teachers.

Furthermore

Linking Words

subjects

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like music and

sports

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also

Linking Words

contribute to the cognitive and physical growth of kids.

By incorporating

Change preposition

Incorporating

show examples

these

subjects

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into the syllabus,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

would relax their mind and shatter all the stress they have from studying difficult

subjects

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. There are few

students

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in every class who have good

vocal

Fix the agreement mistake

vocals

show examples

and could become singers in future, so

subjects

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like these might help them to find their hidden talent. Professional teachers would

also

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encourage them to participate and choose it as their field of career as well.

Sports

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encourage

students

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to strengthen their physical abilities and there are many

students

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who become sportspersons because of their dedication and hard work one day.

For example

Linking Words

, some

children

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come from poor backgrounds and do not have enough resources to practice their talent in singing. So, in schools, they can get these facilities

along with

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

academic studies.

To conclude

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, academic

subjects

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are very helpful to

become

Wrong verb form

becoming

show examples

successful in life

along with

Linking Words

that

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

extracurricular

subjects

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also

Linking Words

contribute to the

overall

Linking Words

growth of

children

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. In my opinion, schools are required to design their syllabus in a way that all important

subjects

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are well incorporated with other

subjects

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like music,

sports

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, stitching etc. in a well-mannered way so that

students

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feel relaxed

instead

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of feeling burdened.

saroaekamal423Sat Feb 01 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates to your main argument.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples or studies to support your arguments about the benefits of extracurricular subjects.

coherence and cohesion

Consider using linking words to enhance the flow between your ideas.

task achievement

You effectively argue that both academic and extracurricular subjects are important for children's development.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay is structured well with a clear introduction and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

348 words

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Schools should teach children the academic subjects which have a close relationship with their future careers, so other subjects like music and sports are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Education should be accessible to people of all economic backgrounds. All leveld of education, from primary school to tertiary education, should be free. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both view and give your opinion