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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think that is the reason for this? What are the consequences for the people around them.

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At present, many humans are likely to sleep less than they used to in the past
due to
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 the effect of modern gadgets on their bodies.
This
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 leads to a more aggressive and unstable society. First of all, with the major development of technologies in recent years, individuals
were
Wrong verb form
have been
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 affected by the overloading information and blue light which are able to aggravate their sleep quality.
This
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 is mostly because of the impact on
human
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the human
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 brain, which is not adapted to carry information and accept bright blue light before sleep.
For example
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, to deal with these problems, the most advanced phones,
such
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 as the iPhone 14, have special settings to reduce the concentration of blue light on the screen and make special notifications that remind people to go to sleep at night.
This
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 example illustrates the actual issues that big companies are trying to tackle.
Consequently
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, humans with insomnia are more aggressive and can express unexpected reactions to certain triggers because of the low energy and dearth of necessary hormones
such
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 as dopamine(happiness hormone).
Hence
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,
this
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 tendency to sleep less not only exacerbates an existing problem with the organism but
also
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 negatively affects society. To illustrate,
according to
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 a recent study, the majority of people nowadays show more aggressive behaviour and negative mood compared to the past which
therefore
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 impacts the people around them.
To conclude
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,
it is clear that
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 the increased insomnia rate in society is the consequence of advanced technologies.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 tendency is negative for an individual's health and the environment at the same time
due to
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 the decreased stability.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer connection between the effects of modern gadgets and their direct impact on sleep and behavior. This will help strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly outline the two main points (reasons for less sleep and consequences) in the introduction. This will provide a roadmap for the reader.
task achievement
Include a few more relevant examples or further explain the study you mentioned to enhance the argument.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the iPhone settings, effectively illustrates your points about technology's impact on sleep.
coherence and cohesion
The essay displays a generally logical structure and progression of ideas, making it easy to follow.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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