IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In the last few decades there have been more and more cases of famous peoples being hounded by the press. Some people think that famous people in the media have no right privacy. To what extend do you agree?

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It is argued that the reputation of many celebrities has been ruined by the press in recent years. Some people are of the opinion that the private lives of famous individuals are manipulated by the public. As far as I am concerned popularity deteriorates privacy. When it comes to fame, it is worth mentioning that it has benefits and deficiencies simultaneously. First of all, they are recognized wherever they go.
For instance
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, Brad Pitt has been introduced to the whole world by his unique castings.
Moreover
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, they may bring popularity, but not necessarily.
For example
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, People do not advocate Hitler as a famous significant personality in history.
In addition
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 to that, it may bring wealth and power to a known person. In
this
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 regard, several celebrities join political parties and take a high-ranking position in the government.
On the other hand
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, being known by everyone has presented a popular person with several challenges. First and foremost they may bothered by paparazzi and magazines.
For instance
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, numerous fake stories are written on websites about the marriage of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
Furthermore
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, their Private affairs are revealed in different channels. It results in chaos and mess in their relationships, especially with their spouses and children. when all is said and done, privacy is potentially in danger when the majority of society knows you. In conclusion,
although
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 fame is absolutely appealing and brings numerous advantages
such
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 as popularity and outstanding positions in society, being bothered and unveiling personal secrets is inevitable. So, I strongly believe that an easy moderate life is worth the fame.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer stance in your introduction about the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement. This can help set a more definitive direction for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to summarize your arguments more explicitly in your conclusion to reinforce your main points and position. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, aim for more specific examples and clearer explanations of how they relate to your main points. This can enhance the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
You have successfully identified both the benefits and drawbacks of fame, presenting a balanced perspective.
relevant specific examples
Your use of examples, like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, adds relevance and helps illustrate your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • celebrity scrutiny
  • public interest
  • media scrutiny
  • free press
  • mental health issues
  • intrusive media behavior
  • ethical considerations
  • digital age
  • social media proliferation
  • public-private boundary
  • consent to scrutiny
  • legal protections
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