Films and computers games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have negative effect on society and should be banned. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
this
modern era, with the advancement of
technology
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technology,
show examples
people have abilities to make various kinds of
movies
and video
games
. The subject of a lot of these films
are contained
Wrong verb form
contains
show examples
violence, which
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
many fans
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
humans.
While
a group of people believe they have many negative impacts on families,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
banning them is better. Others think they just can disturb humans’ relaxing time. In
this
essay, I will discuss these opposing attitudes and give my own opinion. Regarding
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
view, lots of people watch these
movies
and play these
games
in their spare time, which is really satisfying for them. They could be like a hobby for them, and give them
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
of excitement.
In other words
,
this
genre is their
favorite
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favourite
show examples
object.
In addition
, some of these
movies
teach them how they can behave in the same situation, if they are in a horrifying circumstance,
for example
, when someone wants to steal their smartphones even themselves,
moreover
, they realize, what is real life, in
fact
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fact,
show examples
life does not always treat them kindly, and friendly. Turning to possible problems, these different
movies
and
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
might increase disturbance between youngsters
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
adults, and may lead to some battles. To put it differently, juveniles may use these
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
in their personal lives.
Additionally
, children might imitate these kinds of violence without understanding, and it could have a lot of negative effects on their future lives. Personally, I disagree with the banning of these
games
and shows,
due to
society
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
the power to choose, which
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they should see, and which not.
For instance
, they can limit their children, so that they do not see. In conclusion, it seems to me, that it would be wrong to ban these entertainments, and it is necessary for families to set some rules about watching and playing these films, and
games
.
Submitted by zahra.hmt88 on

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Introduction
The essay lacks a clear introduction that explicitly states what the discussion will be about. Ensure that the introduction briefly outlines both views and provides a clear thesis statement expressing your opinion.
Logical Structure
Review the structure of a good argumentative essay. Present arguments for one view, followed by arguments against it, and then provide a paragraph with your opinion before the conclusion.
Coherence
Make sure that you use cohesive devices appropriately to ensure a smooth flow of ideas throughout the essay. Avoid abrupt jumps between ideas.
Comprehensive Ideas
The essay requires a clear and concise expression of ideas. Aim for precision in language and avoid convoluted sentences that could confuse the reader.
Examples
While discussing both views, specify the groups of people who hold these views to clarify the argument. Additionally, present unique examples to illustrate the points made, rather than hypothetical scenarios.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • violence
  • negative impact
  • aggressive behavior
  • desensitization
  • societal norms
  • restrictions
  • censorship
  • leisure activity
  • harmless entertainment
  • stress relief
  • virtual reality
  • freedom of expression
  • moderation
  • self-regulation
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