IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the only reason for learning language is in order to travel or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that learning a new
language
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 is a significant factor in society.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that learning a new
language
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 is in order to
travel
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 or work in a faraway country, there is
also
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 an argument that these are not the only reasons why anyone should learn a foreign
language
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.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, some
people
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 argue that the main factor in studying a new
language
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is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 order to
travel
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 or job in another nation.
In other words
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, they think that individuals do not learn foreign languages that are not essential in the future.
In addition
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, when the person has multiple languages, he will have a good position in the company and a high salary. Some
people
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 say that the only reason for learning
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language
Correct article usage
a language
show examples
 is in order to
travel
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 or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign
language
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. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
For example
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, the Neom Company in Saudi Arabia offers high-salary jobs for individuals having numerous languages.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 believe that these are not the only reasons why we should learn a foreign
language
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. It is
also
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 possible to say that many individuals learn a new
language
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 to explore other country cultures and
communication
Replace the word
communicate
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 with local
people
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 they
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 speak other
languageslanguage
Correct your spelling
languages language
.
Moreover
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, learning a foreign
language
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 can help to boost your confidence and maintain mind health.
For instance
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, a medical study in Yemen proves that learning a new
language
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 protects brain health from Alzheimer’s. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that learning another
language
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 is significant only to get work or
travel
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 to other countries, I think that learning a new
language
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 is important to enhance confidence and build friendships with
people
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 from different cultures.

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introduction
Try to paraphrase the main question more effectively in your introduction. This shows a strong understanding of the topic and sets the stage for your argument.
coherence
Make sure to clearly separate your main arguments into distinct paragraphs to improve logical structure. Each paragraph should focus on one clear idea that supports your overall argument.
grammar
Be careful with grammar and syntax. There are several minor errors that could easily be fixed, such as 'job in another nation' should be 'to get a job in another nation', and 'they not speak other languageslanguage' should be 'they do not speak other languages'.
examples
Provide more specific examples and fully explain them. For instance, when discussing the Neom Company, you could give more context about why multiple languages are valued beyond just salary.
content
You present both sides of the argument clearly, which is a strong point in discussing differing views.
structure
Your conclusion summarizes the main ideas succinctly, which is important for clarity in academic writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • multilingual
  • linguistic proficiency
  • globalized world
  • cross-cultural communication
  • immersive experience
  • adaptability
  • cultural exchange
  • interpersonal skills
  • employment prospects
  • empathy
  • intellectual development
  • overcome language barriers
  • global market
  • resourceful
  • life-changing
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