IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, more people are becoming overweight some people think that the solution is to increase the price of fattening food to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, many human- beings are
being
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 obese and it has been argued that the answer is to increase the money of
fast-
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because it will decrease the demand among
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 and there will be
drop
Correct article usage
a drop
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 in
such
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 businesses. To commence with, if the
price
Use synonyms
 gets high
then
Linking Words
 the purchasing of fast-
food
Use synonyms
 will
refuce
Correct your spelling
refuse
reduce
. Individuals will not order
junk-
Correct your spelling
junk food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
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that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they will prefer healthy
food
Use synonyms
 .
Because individuals
Correct word choice
Individuals
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 only eat fatty
food
Use synonyms
 due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 low
price
Use synonyms
 but if
Use synonyms
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
will
Verb problem
apply
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increases the consumption of
such
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 will reduce and
public
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the public
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 will switch to healthy
food
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
New-York
Correct your spelling
New York
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, the government
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 taxes on
fatty-
Correct your spelling
fatty food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 which
result
Wrong verb form
resulted
show examples
 in decreasing the consumption of these foods among
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
. Another reason is that it will reduce the fast-
food
Use synonyms
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
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 as the rate
us
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 high
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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people will do
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 business
as a result
Linking Words
 public will not get fatty
food
Use synonyms
 easily.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 will only
available
Add a missing verb
be available
show examples
 at
high-class
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a high-class
the high-class
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restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
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 where prices are too high and normal people cannot afford it specifically
young-ones
Correct your spelling
young ones
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, children and
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
 families always worry about money and they will avoid
to go
Change the verb form
going
show examples
 to big restaurants for
food
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I totally agree with the statement that the effective way is to increase the
price
Use synonyms
 of
fatty-
Correct your spelling
fatty food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 because it will reduce the demand in public
also
Linking Words
 there will be
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 restaurants in which these foods are available and as the
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
 of
fatty-
Correct your spelling
fatty food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 will reduce the obesity rate will decrease simultaneously.

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task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your position and summarizing your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaboration to support your ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and maintains a consistent stance throughout.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is recognizable, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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