IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is often cited that “Not everything that is learned is contained in books”. According to many, we learn most of the things from our own experience while others believe that books are our main source of knowledge. Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?

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While
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 some people believe that learning is most efficient through experiences, others argue that
books
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 are the primary source of information and learning. I believe that experience is the most profound way to understand and obtain knowledge. There are several options to better understand a circumstance.
This
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 can be through experiencing for some, meanwhile it can be via
books
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 for others. Even though both are beneficial, the best choice can depend on multiple reasons
such
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 as personality and characteristics. To illustrate, some people are explorers, they like to experience things by themselves.
This
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 is
also
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 about their critical thinking and cognitive competencies as well. Despite obtaining information from the
books
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, it will not be as effective as experiencing first-hand.
In contrast
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, a substantial amount of individuals think that it is not necessary to explore all over again
while
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 it is written by experts in
books
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 and experienced beforehand.
Moreover
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, they are not as motivated as the explorers. One of the biggest differences between them is that
,
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apply
show examples
 for some
thisis
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this is
asort
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sort
a sort
 of job and they have the courage and willingness to do it. The ones who use
books
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 as a source of wisdom, are mostly discouraged and lack the motivation to understand the knowledge by experiencing it.
For instance
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, historians and archaeologists are primary examples of
this
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. Historians would prefer to learn things by reading.
On the other hand
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, seeing, experimenting, exploring and many other ways are the best choice for archaeologists to gain insight. In conclusion, in my opinion, both
books
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 and experiences are indispensable and a crucial part of gaining knowledge.
Nonetheless
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, experiencing things can foster understanding and expand one's horizons better than solely relying on
books
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.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that specifically outlines the main points of comparison and contrast you will discuss. This can help sets a stronger roadmap for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence which directly relates to the main idea of the paragraph. This will improve the clarity of your arguments and strengthen the overall coherence of your essay.
Task Achievement
Try to enhance the depth of your examples by elaborating more on them. For instance, when mentioning historians and archaeologists, consider discussing why their methods of learning differ and why that is significant.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively presents both sides of the argument and culminates in a personal opinion, which is a great way to engage the reader and provide a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, transitioning from discussing experiences to books smoothly, making it easy for readers to follow your line of thought.
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