Many people work long hour, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

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Engaging in
labor
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labour
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is an essential undertaking for subsistence. Numerous people are overworked and
consequently
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have less
time
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to unwind. The advantages and disadvantages will be discussed in the subsequent paragraph. Many individuals
initially
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exert considerable
effort
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in order to make a livelihood. There are a multitude of advantages associated with diligent
effort
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. A greater income is the primary benefit of working diligently, as opposed to those who
work
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short
hours
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.
For instance
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, individuals who put in eight
hours
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of
effort
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each day are remunerated at a current daily minimum wage of ten dollars per hour,
in contrast
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to citizens who
work
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a mere four
hours
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per day.
Furthermore
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, the former enjoy greater prospects for career progression, constituting an additional advantage of exerting
effort
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.
For instance
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, diligent
employees
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will experience accelerated career advancement and greater engagement in their respective fields.
Lastly
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,
employees
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who
work
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long
hours
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may attain greater professional development opportunities and financial stability than those who
work
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shorter
hours
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.
Nevertheless
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, extended
work
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hours
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can negatively impact
employees
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, and the practice itself has a multitude of disadvantages. An initial concern regarding extended
work
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hours
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is the potential for a disruption in one's
work
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-life balance. As an illustration, citizens' health will deteriorate
due to
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a lack of
time
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to devote to their families.
Additionally
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, their lack of leisure
time
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may hinder their personal development.
For example
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, insufficient leisure
time
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can result in the development of chronic stress and emotional distress.
Lastly
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, extended
work
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hours
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can result in decreased job satisfaction and exhaustion. In conclusion, diligent
effort
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entails a range of advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion,
employees
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ought to maintain a healthy
work
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-life balance. They will attain financial security, excellent health, and
overall
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well-being
as a consequence
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.
Submitted by alisa.chuaypalad on

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Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable ability to discuss the advantages and disadvantages related to the topic. However, you could have provided a more nuanced discussion by comparing the two sides directly, rather than discussing them in isolation. A balance of comparison could enhance the task achievement score.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structuring of your arguments shows a fair degree of coherence, with an identifiable introduction and conclusion. However, the connection between the main points could be strengthened. Transition sentences that create a smooth flow from one idea to the next would increase your score in the coherence and cohesion section.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • chronic stress
  • financial stability
  • career progression
  • burnout
  • reduced productivity
  • personal development
  • leisure activities
  • work performance
  • career-oriented
  • job satisfaction
  • hobbies
  • fulfilling life
  • immersion
  • hone professional skills
  • fatigue
  • creativity
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