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Writing Samples
Band 7

Now-a-days people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of the news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is said that recently, people use social
media
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 to communicate with each other and read the news.
While
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 some people say that relying on online communication affects health and reduces social skills, there is
also
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 an opposing argument that using these platforms helps us communicate without geographic boundaries.
Furthermore
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, we can reach many sources of information at a lower cost. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss both perspectives and analyze them. One of the remarkable benefits of social
media
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 is that it is essential for a sustainable economy. Supporting communication through applications not only boosts the economy of individuals but
also
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 enhances personal growth.
This
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 is because if humans achieve access to a lot of resources and many websites that provide significant knowledge,
such
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 as books and articles, it will increase personal critical thinking. Saudi Arabia can be a prime example, as most universities there depend on e-learning in the education process.
Consequently
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, students there have an advanced level in all approaches.
On the other hand
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, one of the major disadvantages of utilizing social
media
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 is that it negatively affects health. To illustrate, spending a lot of time facing the screen leads to weight gain and obesity.
Additionally
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, isolation from real life may lead to psychological diseases. The research conducted by Cambridge University,
for instance
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, about the relationship between depression and the average time spent on phones showed that there is a direct relationship. In conclusion, using social
media
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 presents both benefits and challenges.
While
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 contributing to a sustainable economy and improving personal growth are key advantages, the drawbacks,
such
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 as its relation to many illnesses and the isolation of individuals from society, should not be ignored.

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task achievement
Clarify the introduction by explicitly stating your opinion on whether advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your points, especially in the personal growth section.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that transitional phrases are used effectively to guide the reader through your arguments for better coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding a more detailed conclusion that reinforces your position, summarizing key points succinctly.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which is commendable in addressing the task.
coherence and cohesion
There are clear main points supported by relevant discussions, making it easy to follow the argument's flow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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