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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people try to balance work and other parts of their life. However, this is very difficult to do. What are the problems associated with this? What is the best way to achieve a better balance?

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Nowadays, many
people
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 struggle to
balance
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work
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 and other parts of their
life
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lives
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.
This
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 difficulty arises primarily from excessive working
hours
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 and its negative impact on mental
health
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.
However
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, the most effective way to address
this
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 issue is by working more efficiently and adopting better
time
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 management strategies. One of the first problems of poor
work
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-life
balance
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 is the impact of long working
hours
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 on personal well-being. Since the global financial crisis of 2008, the job market has become increasingly competitive, forcing older employees to risk being replaced by younger graduates who are willing to
work
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 for lower wages. Meanwhile, new graduates must
work
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 extra
hours
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 to remain competitive.
Consequently
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, many
people
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 sacrifice their personal lives for
work
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, leading to severe consequences for their mental
health
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.
For example
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, individuals who
work
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 long
hours
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 may experience chronic stress, depression, and even physical issues like obesity
due to
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 a lack of
time
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 for exercise. The rise in
such
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health
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 problems over the past decade highlights the urgent need for better
work
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-life
balance
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. A possible solution to
this
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 problem would be to improve efficiency at
work
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. Ideally, organizations would reduce the workload on employees, but
this
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 is not always realistic.
Therefore
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, one immediate practical solution is for individuals to focus on maximizing productivity. Smartphones,
for instance
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, allow
people
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 to complete tasks during previously unproductive moments,
such
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 as
while
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 waiting for public transport. Using productivity apps, sending emails, or making phone calls can help save
time
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 during the workday.
However
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, it is crucial to avoid distractions like social media. By making small sacrifices,
such
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 as limiting
time
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 on Facebook,
people
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 can create more free
time
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 to pursue hobbies or spend quality
time
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 with family. In conclusion, poor
work
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-life
balance
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 is primarily caused by long working
hours
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 and its harmful effects on mental
health
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. The most practical solution is to improve efficiency and make better use of available technology. By adopting productive habits and minimizing distractions, individuals can take control of their
time
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 and build a healthier, more fulfilling lifestyle.

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task achievement
Consider further elaborating on the impacts of poor work-life balance on specific demographics, such as parents or young professionals.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use more varied linking words to enhance the transition between ideas and paragraphs, improving the overall flow of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and reiterating key points.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the effects on mental health and productivity strategies, strengthens the argument and makes it relatable.
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