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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays many people prefer to shop in supermakets rather than small shops or local markets. Is this positive or negative for development? Discuss and give your opinion.

#people #shop #supermakets #shops #markets #development
There has been quite an obvious discussion around the topic of purchasing goods. It seems to be that a lot of people decide to go shopping at a shopping mall rather than the local trading centre. I believe that it is a negative for development and
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will explain my reasons in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, there is no doubt that getting products from supermarkets can be more impressive, convenient and a good environment.
This
 is because there is a variety
types
Change preposition
of types
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 of goods
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 be corrected, which could be some import ones and
also
 a buyer can buy everything they need just in one place.
For example
, younger persons in Thailand usually shop in malls where there is cooler air as they provide air-conditioners rather than markets that are open-air.
As a result
, a large number of owners of small shops have to shut down as they cannot face financial issues.
On the other hand
, it is worth pointing out that correcting items from local communities would be enjoyable, relaxing and healthy.
This
 is based on the fact that most of the products in local markets are grown or made by sellers which could be fresher and non-chemical than large supermarkets.
For instance
, people in Thailand not only go shopping in
a regional shops
Correct the article-noun agreement
regional shops
a regional shop
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 just for some goods, but they
also
 seek to have a chat with their neighbours.
Consequently
, the neighbourhood's friendship could be developed
while
 they are shopping. In my opinion, we can observe that if most people continuously shop in
supermarket
Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
show examples
, small shops which
mostly
Add a missing verb
are mostly
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 owned by locals may have to be shut down as they cannot deal with financial problems.
Submitted by v.mahatkomol on

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Lexical Resource
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your argument and make your essay more engaging.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Check the consistency of subject-verb agreement and plurals to avoid small grammatical errors.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
To further improve, try integrating more complex sentence structures into your paragraphs to demonstrate a higher proficiency in language use.
Coherence and Cohesion
It would be beneficial to include a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to immediately establish your perspective on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have clearly organized your essay with a logical structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
Your use of examples to support your points strengthens your arguments and provides clear evidence for your opinions.
Task Achievement
The overall response addresses the task directly by discussing both sides of the argument and providing your own opinion, which is good for task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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