IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Today more and more people are using mobile phones and computers. Thus, people are losing the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent, do you agree or disagree

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Nowadays, the culture of adapting smartphones and computers is showcasing its bright and dark sides concurrently. As per a perceived perception, in
this
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 contemporary era, there is a surge in the proportion of the population using these electronic devices leading them to be incompetent in encompassing the ability to converse in person. In my opinion, I firmly side my conviction in affirmation of
this
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 belief system, as I think people are depriving a sense of confidence and
also
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 losing the needful skill of delivering appropriate language
while
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 talking with another person. To commence with, in order to communicate efficaciously face-to-face, the incorporation of required confidence is imperative which is significantly plunged by the excessive usage of mobile phones and computers.
Additionally
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,
this
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 prevalence is fostering a sense of introvertness in the populace's mind, eventually making them feel less confident to have a conversation in a non-virtual setting.
Consequently
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, prolongation of
this
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 habit in the majority of individuals is drawing them away from having direct communication,
due to
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 the potential elevation of incompetency rate in performing
this
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 skill.
For example
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, a study's report proved that kids are getting more and more introverted
due to
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 high reliance on conversing at a virtual platform impeding their vocational skills.
Furthermore
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, these days, the language delivered on smartphones and computers in any type of conversation has an extremely high incorporation of slang words which are shorter forms of actual words or sentences.
Thus
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, the
substantial-high
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substantial
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 usage of
such
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 slang words may impede fluency and coherence during any conversation with someone in person.
In addition
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, the bizarre use of these items in speaking not only hampers the delivered language's cohesiveness but
also
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 obliterates the diversity of instilling topic-specific vocabularies in one's speech resulting in developing incompetency to communicate face-to-face.
For instance
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, Japanese kids are predominantly addicted towards mobile usage, lost 6% of their daily vocabulary in the span of the
last
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 few years. To recapitulate, the prolonged rising use of smart interactive virtual devices is impeding the skill of conversing in
one-to-one
Correct article usage
a one-to-one
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 fashion in a physical setting
due to
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 continuous deprivation from building confidence and becoming nonresponsive when it comes to using appropriate linguistic structures
while
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 speaking.

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coherence
Consider simplifying some of the complex sentences to improve clarity; this will help the reader easily follow your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are clearly linked to your arguments. Some examples seem a bit disconnected, which can impact the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence
Well-structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph.
task achievement
Good engagement with the topic, showing a clear opinion from the start to the end of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • interpersonal skills
  • overreliance
  • digital communication platforms
  • convenience
  • efficiency
  • social bonds
  • enhance
  • bridging long distances
  • fostering connections
  • age groups
  • adept
  • integrating
  • landscape
  • emotional intelligence
  • nuances
  • striking a balance
  • limitations
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