IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people argue the government should support the funds for arts, while others suggest the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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There is
a
Change the article
an
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 ongoing debate among people whether
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should support the funding for
arts
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 or they should
priortize
Correct your spelling
prioritise
 funding for
health
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 and
education
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 sectors. In
this
Linking Words
 topic, I will be discussing
both
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 views and will present my opinion on why
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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I believe
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should focus on allocating
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 budget for
both
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arts
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 and public
health
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 and
education
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. First of all, Nowadays, the majority of a student choose
arts
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 as their major because
this
Linking Words
subjesct
Correct your spelling
subject
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
 their creativity and helps them express their emotions.
For example
Linking Words
: students are able to express their feelings through
Use synonyms
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, getting
finding
Correct your spelling
funding
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
 subject
also
Linking Words
 means the colleges could
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
 new resources to advance their artistic skills.
This
Linking Words
 enhances their talent.
However
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, It is
also
Linking Words
 equally important for the
government
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 to
priortize
Correct your spelling
prioritise
both
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 the
health
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 and
education
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 of their citizens. Allocating
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
 to
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 sectors would benefit the less privileged people.
For example
Linking Words
: Not everyone
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 afford
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health
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 care and
university
Correct article usage
a university
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education
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people have to work overtime hours to make enough savings to pay for their tuition fees and pay their insurance
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
show examples
. With
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 taking care of it, they could focus on studying hard without worrying about their
education
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 expenses.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe
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Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 should equally focus on contributing the money to
both
Use synonyms
arts
Use synonyms
 and public
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and states your position, but consider rephrasing the question to improve clarity. The conclusion summarizes your viewpoint but could be more impactful by briefly restating the key points that led to your conclusion.
Task Achievement
There are a few spelling mistakes (e.g., 'ongoing', 'prioritize', 'subject', 'finding') that could be corrected to enhance the overall quality. Additionally, improve sentence structure for clarity; for example, 'the majority of a student choose arts' should be 'the majority of students choose arts'.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your arguments. For instance, mentioning how investment in arts has benefited certain communities or statistics about healthcare access would strengthen your points.
Task Achievement
The essay presents both viewpoints fairly and attempts to balance them, which is commendable. It shows an understanding of the importance of both sectors: arts and public health/education.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have made a good effort to connect your ideas and there is a logical structure in your essay. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, which helps in understanding your discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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