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Writing Samples
Band 6

A lot of children spend time on social media surfing the internet and playing video games which hurts their studies and grades and makes them experience loneliness and health problems such as obesity. What is the reason behind this? What can the parents do to prevent it?

#children #time #media #internet #video #games #studies #grades #loneliness #health #obesity #reason #parents
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Spending countless hours on the internet brings about various negative consequences to
children
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's lives.
Parents
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 play a pivotal role in addressing these issues.
Children
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's lifestyles have taken an unfortunate turn with the introduction of social media and
video
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games
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. The alluring images and visuals of these new technologies hold
children
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 hooked, an ability that conventional education methods fall short of.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
children
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 continue to spend most social hours of the day surfing on the internet or playing
video
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games
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 in search of the adrenaline rush.
As a result
Linking Words
, their homework pile up, and their performance on exams
hinders
Wrong verb form
is hindered
show examples
.
Moreover
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, the sedentary lifestyle imposed by technological appliances causes numerous health concerns. As
video
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games
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 and social media interactions render outdoor activities and physical exercises less probable, the obesity rate rises dramatically among young
children
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.
Parents
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 play an integral role in
children
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's lives by conferring habits on them;
hence
Linking Words
, it is crucial for fathers and mothers to take measures in order to alleviate technology's effects on
children
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's lives.
Firstly
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,
parents
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 can supply an adrenaline rush through a more healthy method,
such
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 as enrolling
children
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 in extracurricular clubs
such
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 as aerobic sports or painting classes. These classes replenish mental energy sources and accelerate
children
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's learning
while
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 prohibiting time waste.
Additionally
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,
parents
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 should control
children
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's Internet usage and limit their
video
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games
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. Offering technological appliances only as a treat for good marks and prohibiting their usage throughout the school year not only motivates
children
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 to study harder, ultimately performing better on standardized exams but
also
Linking Words
 prevents their allure from dominating
children
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's academic obligations. In conclusion, there is a call for
parents
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 to address the negative consequences resulting from technological phenomena.
Submitted by ghazalmoosavi79 on

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Relevant Examples
The essay could benefit from specific examples or data points to enhance its arguments. For instance, mentioning studies or reports on children's screen time and its impacts would strengthen the essay.
Coherence
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, possibly with linking words or phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Add more depth to the discussion on what parents can do, considering both immediate and long-term strategies. This will enrich the task achievement aspect of the essay.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay provides a clear introduction that sets the context of the issue effectively, and a conclusion that encapsulates the call to action for parents.
Logical Structure
Ideas are logically structured, and the essay covers both parts of the question—identifying reasons and suggesting parental interventions.
Clear Ideas
The essay presents a balanced viewpoint on technology's impact on children's lives, addressing both education and health aspects.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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