A lot of children spend time on social media surfing the internet and playing video games which hurts their studies and grades and makes them experience loneliness and health problems such as obesity. What is the reason behind this? What can the parents do to prevent it?
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Spending countless hours on the internet brings about various negative consequences to
children
's lives. Parents
play a pivotal role in addressing these issues.
Children
's lifestyles have taken an unfortunate turn with the introduction of social media and video
games
. The alluring images and visuals of these new technologies hold children
hooked, an ability that conventional education methods fall short of. Therefore
, children
continue to spend most social hours of the day surfing on the internet or playing video
games
in search of the adrenaline rush. As a result
, their homework pile up, and their performance on exams hinders
. Wrong verb form
is hindered
Moreover
, the sedentary lifestyle imposed by technological appliances causes numerous health concerns. As video
games
and social media interactions render outdoor activities and physical exercises less probable, the obesity rate rises dramatically among young children
.
Parents
play an integral role in children
's lives by conferring habits on them; hence
, it is crucial for fathers and mothers to take measures in order to alleviate technology's effects on children
's lives. Firstly
, parents
can supply an adrenaline rush through a more healthy method, such
as enrolling children
in extracurricular clubs such
as aerobic sports or painting classes. These classes replenish mental energy sources and accelerate children
's learning while
prohibiting time waste. Additionally
, parents
should control children
's Internet usage and limit their video
games
. Offering technological appliances only as a treat for good marks and prohibiting their usage throughout the school year not only motivates children
to study harder, ultimately performing better on standardized exams but also
prevents their allure from dominating children
's academic obligations.
In conclusion, there is a call for parents
to address the negative consequences resulting from technological phenomena.Submitted by ghazalmoosavi79 on
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Relevant Examples
The essay could benefit from specific examples or data points to enhance its arguments. For instance, mentioning studies or reports on children's screen time and its impacts would strengthen the essay.
Coherence
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, possibly with linking words or phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Add more depth to the discussion on what parents can do, considering both immediate and long-term strategies. This will enrich the task achievement aspect of the essay.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay provides a clear introduction that sets the context of the issue effectively, and a conclusion that encapsulates the call to action for parents.
Logical Structure
Ideas are logically structured, and the essay covers both parts of the question—identifying reasons and suggesting parental interventions.
Clear Ideas
The essay presents a balanced viewpoint on technology's impact on children's lives, addressing both education and health aspects.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.