Many people today are choosing to live and work in another country after graduating from University in their home country. why is this ?do the advantages is turned outweight the disadvantages.

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Most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people prefer to live in a different city where their family live, Because they want to be independent, Cooking by themself and cleaning the house all are important to do independently.
Also
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, they would like to feel a kind of freedom,
Therefore
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they do not want to live with their family.
on the other hand
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, If they live with their family, The family always have restrictions,
Moreover
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, You have to be responsible for your family. The people who choose to live in a foreign city,
They
Correct pronoun usage
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want to be independent,
For
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instance
Use synonyms
, Washing their clothes or cooking by themself, All those are important to do independently. Because
,
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your family is not always with you, You will
have lost
Wrong verb form
lose
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them one day,
For
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instance
Use synonyms
, Some families do not
allowed
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allow
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you to
make
Verb problem
have
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a girlfriend or date,
Also
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drinking alcohol is not allowed in most
of
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families. There is another reason which is freedom,
For
Linking Words
instance
Use synonyms
, You can not be late more than 12:00 AM, Or you have to sleep early and wake up early in the morning.
Also
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the people go to another
citiy
Correct your spelling
city
, because lack of jobs,
That is
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one of
main
Add an article
the main
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reasons. In most of the family if you live with them, You have to be responsible or a driver, I mean you will do things which you do not like,
For
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instance
Use synonyms
, Every week you have to go to the supermarket or fix something
that is
Linking Words
broken.
Moreover
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, They have hard restrictions.
Overall
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the advantages when you are living alone outweigh than of you are living with your family.

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coherence
Try to structure your introduction and conclusion more clearly. A strong introduction should outline the main points you will discuss, and a conclusion should summarize your arguments succinctly.
task achievement
You provided personal insights and examples about living independently, which is a valuable aspect of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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