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Writing Samples
Band 7

Rise of convince foods has helped people keep up with the speed of modern life style. What are the advantages of this trend? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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These days, technology has been improving, but we can see that most people are employed, so they prefer eating convenient
foods
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, which are helping them to have the same speed as modern life.
while
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 the ready meals have a
lot
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 of benefits, I still believe that these cannot overshadow the demerits. On the one hand, convenience
foods
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 have various merits.
Firstly
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, the population who are employees do not have a
lot
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 of
time
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 for cooking
due to
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 the fact that most of them average work 8 hours a day;
moreover
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, they spend a
lot
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 of
time
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 both getting ready and travelling, which need a
lot
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 of
time
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 in metropolises, to work;
as a result
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,
this
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time
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 climbed to 12 hours;
hence
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, they like ready food
instead
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 of cooking.
In other words
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, my friends who are working in Tehran have been spending 15 hours on their work and when they come back to their house are really tired and cannot make food.
Secondly
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, the young generations are so lazy and a large group of them are not able to cook;
therefore
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, they use these dishes. To illustrate, when I used to live in the dormitory, my friends, who lived with me in the same room, could not make simple
foods
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 like frying eggs, so they used ready
foods
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.
On the other hand
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, these
foods
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 like other developments have several drawbacks. On the one side, these
foods
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such
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 as fast
foods
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 and
foods
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 that are canned, and other kinds of meals are not good for our health and when we utilize them for a long
time
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,
then
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 we will be ill and obese inasmuch as they have a
lot
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 of salt, oil, and some material which help us to keep them for a long
time
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. On the other side, if societies eat these meals,
then
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 they do not cook;
besides
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, inhabitants of these countries forget our traditional
foods
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 owing to the fact that they do not need to learn them because they are not cooking. In conclusion, it is important that these
foods
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 help us not to think about food,
however
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, the good points of them can outweigh their advantages on account our health and culture are more crucial.

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task achievement
The essay should provide a more balanced view by evaluating the advantages and disadvantages more equally. Currently, it leans more towards discussing the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Ensure paragraphs are clearly distinct. Some paragraphs here tend to merge points together, which can obscure the main arguments.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition in your points. For instance, both main points about the disadvantages could be presented more succinctly.
coherence cohesion
Proofread for minor grammatical errors and sentence structure improvements. This will help in achieving a higher score for coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, effectively framing the essay.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples which help in illustrating your points well.
task achievement
The main points are generally well-supported with logical reasoning and examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Hectic schedules
  • Ready meals
  • Time-saving
  • Prepping
  • Diverse taste preferences
  • Budget-friendly
  • Nutritional concerns
  • Salt, sugar, unhealthy fats
  • Environmental harm
  • Packaging waste
  • Traditional cooking skills
  • Healthy eating
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