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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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In
this
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 tech-savvy era, the usage of mobile
phones
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 has revolutionized the way of communication, work and daily lifestyle.
Besides
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 some advantages of mobile
phones
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, it is
also
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 contributing to social and medical
problems
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both advantages, disadvantages and kinds of
problems
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 it may cause. One of the major concerns is the negative impact of mobile
phones
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 on Social interactions. More use of
phones
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 has led to reduced face-to-face communication. Now
people
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 are more reliable in phonic conversations
due to
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 which their social skills are declining and bonds among
people
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 are getting weak.
Additionally
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, prolonged screentime is causing numerous
problems
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 like headaches, eye strain and sleep disturbance,
due to
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 more exposure to blue light.
Moreover
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, many
people
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 develop mobile addiction, leading to anxiety and stress when they are unable to check their devices for
the
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a
show examples
 long time. Despite these issues, there are some positive sides to look at. Communication has become more efficient and accessible regardless of geographical boundaries.
Also
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, it is easy to connect with family and friends. It has been particularly beneficial to do remote jobs and online businesses.
Furthermore
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, mobile
phones
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 provide access to emergency services like healthcare assistance and essential services
such
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 as online education.
For example
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 , during the COVID-19 pandemic,
people
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 were consulting doctors over the phone and students were taking classes online without any physical visits.
To conclude
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,
Although
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phones
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 cause certain
problems
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, their advantages outweigh the disadvantages. To minimize the negative effects, individuals should use it with responsibility by maintaining a balance between both real life and digital life.

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coherence and cohesion
Introduce clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to outline the main idea more effectively.
language proficiency
Ensure consistent use of vocabulary related to the topic to enhance clarity. For example, instead of 'reliable,' consider using 'reliant' or 'dependent.'
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phone use, showing a balanced argument.
task achievement
Good use of examples, particularly referencing the impact of mobile phones during the COVID-19 pandemic, which strengthens the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • over-reliance
  • cyberbullying
  • screen time
  • data privacy
  • identity theft
  • financial fraud
  • eye strain
  • sleep disorders
  • chronic issues
  • productivity
  • notifications
  • validation
  • self-esteem
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