IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that online education is as effective as traditional classroom learning. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, distance learning is becoming increasingly popular and spreading throughout the world. Many people think it is as beneficial a form of
education
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 as traditional scholarship.
However
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, I do not completely agree with
this
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 statement and will defend my point of view considering arguments in more detail. First of all, the main drawback of online studying is the lack of attention and motivation. A significant amount of students experience difficulties in mastering study materials without a structured learning environment
,
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apply
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 because they are not provided with understandable stimuli and clear boundaries.
For instance
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, Harvard University research in 2022 has shown that more than 50 per cent of young people, who learnt on their own without attending physical classes, had lower exam grades and expressed a lower level of motivation in
education
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 at all.
In addition
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, another major disadvantage of online
education
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 is the lack of social communication. The conventional format of learning when children and young individuals attend physical public spaces provides students with a social adaptation
that is
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 essential for mental health. The lack of contact with each other leads to stress growth.
As a result
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, it has a negative impact on productivity and motivation, because when you are stressed, your cognitive abilities decline.
For example
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, you can notice how it is difficult to maintain a stable productivity level when you are worried. In conclusion,
although
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 online
education
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 has some benefits, there are noticeable disadvantages
such
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 as the absence of social adaptation and structure.
For
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this
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 reason, I think that we should maintain a balance between these forms of
education
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 in order to avoid the negative aspects.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a clearer definition of what you mean by traditional classroom learning and online education in your introduction. This will help set the context for your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the transition between points by using linking phrases to enhance the flow of the essay. For example, after discussing the drawbacks, you could summarize briefly before moving to the next point.
Task Achievement
While you cited a specific example, consider adding one or two more examples to strengthen your argument, particularly for the point about social communication, as it can enhance your overall argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, which is essential for conveying your stance effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
Task Achievement
Your writing demonstrates a good understanding of the disadvantages of online education, providing thoughtful insights.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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