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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart shows the number of times per week (in 1000s), over five weeks, that three computer packages were downloaded from the internet. •Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the number of times per week (in 1000s), over five weeks, that three computer packages were downloaded from the internet. •Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given chart illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how often the three computer packages were downloaded from the internet in a
week
Use synonyms
 for five weeks. The data is calibrated in thousands
Change preposition
of form
show examples
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
show examples
. I will elaborate on
information
Correct article usage
the information
show examples
 and give relevant
comparison
Fix the agreement mistake
comparisons
show examples
further
Linking Words
.
Overall
Linking Words
, as we can see active X was downloaded the most in all weeks as compared to others
while
Linking Words
net
Correct article usage
the net
show examples
 remained
minimum
Correct article usage
the minimum
show examples
 downloaded. 
To begin
Linking Words
 with, active
install
Replace the word
installation
show examples
 almost 70 times in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
week
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 to
hundred
Correct article usage
a hundred
show examples
 times.
In addition
Linking Words
, in
week
Use synonyms
 three, it
raised
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 to approximately 110 and became 120 during
week
Use synonyms
 five, which is
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
 among all packages.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Java was installed 40 times in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
week
Use synonyms
 and inclined to 50 in
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
week
Use synonyms
 and stayed almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 till
week
Use synonyms
 5.
Linking Words
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, It was installed maximum time in
week
Use synonyms
 five(60).  Probing
further
Linking Words
, the number of downloads for
net
Add an article
the net
show examples
 was pretty much
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
week
Fix the agreement mistake
weeks
show examples
 one and four
while
Linking Words
 it was
minimum
Correct article usage
the minimum
show examples
 among all computer packages in
week
Use synonyms
 three (around 10). it started inclining from
third
Change the article
the third
show examples
week
Use synonyms
 and the figure became 15 final
Use synonyms
week
Change to a plural noun
weeks
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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