IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people have decided to reduce the number of times they fly every year or to stop flying altogether. Do you think the environmental benefits of this development outweigh the disadvantages for individuals and businesses? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent years, a growing number of businesses have decided to cut down on business
travel
Use synonyms
, which has led to a reduced demand for flights. A similar trend has
also
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 emerged among individual passengers. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss the various reasons for
this
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 development, based on my personal experience. It is true that many businesses have a strong need for their employees to
travel
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 long distances to run their operations.
Therefore
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, corporates often require their staff to take flights for various purposes
such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 generating more business, learning new technologies, gaining technical expertise, etc.
For instance
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, my father's company requires him to
travel
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 to Singapore at least three times a year to oversee their international operations
,
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apply
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 and to train the local staff.
Similarly
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, individuals fly for reasons
such
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 as tourism and visiting family. For many of them, flying may be the only feasible way to swiftly reach their destination, saving valuable time.
Furthermore
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, thousands of aviation jobs depend heavily on people choosing to fly regularly.
Hence
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, a reduction in flying can affect their livelihood and the survival of their family.
However
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, aeroplane
travel
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 is expensive , and corporations can possibly save significant expenditure by cutting down business
transit
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travel
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.
Additionally
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, the environmental conditions improve significantly. Some studies suggest the amount of pollution caused by a single flight from New York to London would require at least 1000 trees planted to offset the effects.
For example
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, my company has decided to replace a majority of its in-person meetings with Zoom calls, saving time and money on corporate
travel
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.
Finally
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,
this
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 makes way for alternative
travel
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 methods
such
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 as high-speed rail , which cause significantly lower pollution per passenger mile as compared to planes, contributing to a greener environment. In conclusion,
while
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 aeroplane
travel
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 , despite being essential for many, is witnessing a decline, it has resulted in a better environment for everyone.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. You talk a lot about reasons, but the task asks if the good for the environment is more than the bad for people and business.
task response
Give your opinion early and keep it clear in all parts of the essay.
task response
Explain the disadvantages more fully. You mention jobs, family, and travel needs, but these ideas need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are mostly in a clear order, but some links are weak. Make sure each paragraph has one main purpose.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are good, but a few sentences feel like a list.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is too short. It should clearly repeat your opinion and compare both sides.
coherence and cohesion
You use a clear paragraph style with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You give real examples from work and family, and this helps support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow from one sentence to the next.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • reduce
  • benefits
  • environment
  • pollution
  • travel
  • businesses
  • individuals
  • challenges
  • meetings
  • connections
  • effort
  • manage
  • remotely
  • money
  • stress
  • local
  • culture
  • discovering
  • innovative
  • technology
  • ways
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