The promoters of social media claim that they are connecting people and enabling people to share like never before. While critics claim that social media site often impinges upon one’s privacy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In recent years, a debate has emerged over whether social
media
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plays a crucial role in communication and networking or whether it causes severe issues
such
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as threats to user
privacy
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and mental health problems. Advocates of the first view argue that social
media
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enables people to connect and build communities,
while
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opponents claim that these
platforms
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negatively impact users'
privacy
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and well-being.
This
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essay will discuss both perspectives and present my personal viewpoint. On the one hand, proponents of social networks emphasize the benefits of these
platforms
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in facilitating communication, particularly among family members separated by geographical distances.
For instance
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, a recent study conducted in Kazakhstan revealed that the majority of people use instant messaging applications
such
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as WhatsApp to stay connected, fostering constant communication and strengthening family bonds.
Furthermore
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, social
media
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provides valuable opportunities for professional networking and business growth. Many companies use these
platforms
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to exchange information, establish partnerships, and engage with potential clients. Employees
also
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benefit from social networking by expanding their professional circles, which can lead to career advancements and job opportunities.
As a result
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, both businesses and individuals gain from the connectivity that social
media
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offers.
On the other hand
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, many argue that social
media
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threatens users’
privacy
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.
This
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issue arises primarily
due to
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the widespread sharing of personal information. Many users unknowingly expose sensitive data, which can be exploited by cybercriminals or third-party companies for targeted advertisements.
Furthermore
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, social
media
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platforms
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often collect user data without explicit consent, raising concerns about data security and digital surveillance.
Additionally
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, excessive social
media
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use is linked to mental health problems. Studies suggest that prolonged exposure to these
platforms
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can lead to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, particularly among young users. The constant comparison with others, exposure to unrealistic portrayals of life, and the pressure to gain approval through likes and comments can significantly impact one's psychological well-being. In conclusion,
while
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social
media
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offers undeniable benefits in terms of connectivity and networking, it
also
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poses risks related to
privacy
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and mental health. In my opinion, the key lies in responsible usage. By being mindful of
privacy
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settings, limiting screen time, and promoting digital literacy, individuals can enjoy the advantages of social
media
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while
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mitigating its negative effects.

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task achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines the topic and states that you will discuss both views, which is great. However, you could strengthen it further by briefly mentioning what your viewpoint will be.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported with relevant examples, but integrating a few more specific studies or statistics could enhance your argument further and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the magnitude of the issues discussed.
coherence and cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is generally strong. However, consider using additional linking phrases to enhance transitions between paragraphs, which could improve the overall coherence of your writing.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments but could be made a bit stronger by reiterating your personal stance on social media more emphatically without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views regarding social media's impact, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as WhatsApp usage in Kazakhstan and the impacts of social media on mental health, strengthens your arguments and shows your engagement with the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • instant communication
  • self-expression
  • community building
  • global audience
  • social movements
  • data breaches
  • personal data
  • cyberbullying
  • mental health
  • social isolation
  • digital interaction
  • privacy concerns
  • addictive nature
  • idealized representations
  • support groups
  • awareness raising
  • transparency in data handling
  • user engagement
  • digital citizenship
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