The promoters of social media claim that they are connecting people and enabling people to share like never before. While critics claim that social media site often impinges upon one’s privacy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In recent years, a debate has emerged over whether social

media

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plays a crucial role in communication and networking or whether it causes severe issues

such

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as threats to user

privacy

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and mental health problems. Advocates of the first view argue that social

media

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enables people to connect and build communities,

while

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opponents claim that these

platforms

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negatively impact users'

privacy

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and well-being.

This

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essay will discuss both perspectives and present my personal viewpoint. On the one hand, proponents of social networks emphasize the benefits of these

platforms

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in facilitating communication, particularly among family members separated by geographical distances.

For instance

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, a recent study conducted in Kazakhstan revealed that the majority of people use instant messaging applications

such

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as WhatsApp to stay connected, fostering constant communication and strengthening family bonds.

Furthermore

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, social

media

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provides valuable opportunities for professional networking and business growth. Many companies use these

platforms

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to exchange information, establish partnerships, and engage with potential clients. Employees

also

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benefit from social networking by expanding their professional circles, which can lead to career advancements and job opportunities.

As a result

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, both businesses and individuals gain from the connectivity that social

media

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offers.

On the other hand

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, many argue that social

media

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threatens users’

privacy

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This

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issue arises primarily

due to

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the widespread sharing of personal information. Many users unknowingly expose sensitive data, which can be exploited by cybercriminals or third-party companies for targeted advertisements.

Furthermore

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, social

media

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platforms

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often collect user data without explicit consent, raising concerns about data security and digital surveillance.

Additionally

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, excessive social

media

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use is linked to mental health problems. Studies suggest that prolonged exposure to these

platforms

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can lead to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, particularly among young users. The constant comparison with others, exposure to unrealistic portrayals of life, and the pressure to gain approval through likes and comments can significantly impact one's psychological well-being. In conclusion,

while

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social

media

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offers undeniable benefits in terms of connectivity and networking, it

also

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poses risks related to

privacy

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and mental health. In my opinion, the key lies in responsible usage. By being mindful of

privacy

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settings, limiting screen time, and promoting digital literacy, individuals can enjoy the advantages of social

media

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while

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mitigating its negative effects.

pandatvin3Fri Feb 07 2025

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task achievement

Your introduction effectively outlines the topic and states that you will discuss both views, which is great. However, you could strengthen it further by briefly mentioning what your viewpoint will be.

task achievement

Your main points are well-supported with relevant examples, but integrating a few more specific studies or statistics could enhance your argument further and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the magnitude of the issues discussed.

coherence and cohesion

The logical flow of your essay is generally strong. However, consider using additional linking phrases to enhance transitions between paragraphs, which could improve the overall coherence of your writing.

coherence and cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments but could be made a bit stronger by reiterating your personal stance on social media more emphatically without introducing new ideas.

task achievement

The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views regarding social media's impact, which is commendable.

task achievement

Your use of specific examples, such as WhatsApp usage in Kazakhstan and the impacts of social media on mental health, strengthens your arguments and shows your engagement with the topic.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

370 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

connectivity
instant communication
self-expression
community building
global audience
social movements
data breaches
personal data
cyberbullying
mental health
social isolation
digital interaction
privacy concerns
addictive nature
idealized representations
support groups
awareness raising
transparency in data handling
user engagement
digital citizenship

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