IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society.

#punishment #death #penalty #lives #crimes #violence #control #society
In today’s world, some countries
such
 as China, North Korea, Indonesia and other countries still have extreme penalties as
punishment
 for extremely dangerous people. In
this
 case, there may arise depts about whether it is righteous
punishment
 or not.
According to
 my perspective, I disagree with
this
 point and in
this
 essay, I will give my opinion with some important examples.
Firstly
, we live in the twenty-first century, where any type of murder is inhumane and using
this
punishment
 as violence could destroy any society.
For example
, there are many frightening methods used in the execution
such
 as death injection, shooting to the head and others. Using
this
 penalty, the perpetrator cannot feel everything, so no fact that it will be a valid deterrent.
Secondly
, we how we can be sure that crimes committed by people, there are credible proof or not.
In addition
, how we can be sure that these wrongdoers do not have any psychiatric problems
such
 as bipolar disorder, manic depression, multiple personality disturbance and others?
Consequently
, in my opinion, these humans with the mentioned problem have to be sent to a special centre in order to get suitable treatment and they should be isolated from society for a certain time to prepare them to co-exist with
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.
On the other hand
, how can we combat dangerous criminals? If we put them in prison, we should find another useful attitude. What I mean by that, is we do have not allowed them parole.
In other words
, they should punish life imprisonment and use them as workers in the production of some products. To weigh it up, capital
punishment
 is one of murder, so nations should give more attention to not using it as a penalty because the death penalty cannot be used for innocent people.
Submitted by shani.menglieva.94 on

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clear comprehensive ideas
Improve the clarity of your ideas. Some arguments are not fully developed or are somewhat vague.
relevant specific examples
Ensure your examples directly support the points you are making. Some examples feel disconnected from the main argument.
logical structure
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs. The transitions between some points are abrupt and can be smoothed out.
complete response
Be sure to fully explain and support each idea in order to achieve a more comprehensive response.
introduction conclusion present
Clear introduction and conclusion present, which frames your argument well.
supporting main points
The essay touches on several important aspects of the topic, showing a thorough approach to the question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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