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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, too much money is spent by governments and individuals for national days such as New Year and religious festivals.

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Nowadays, many nations struggle with financial resources regarding
to
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National
days
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such
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 as New Year. Some claim
such
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 occasions waste excessive amounts of money, so it is better to stop funding them. Personally, I disagree with
this
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 factor, as most national governments are not concerned about these
holidays
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. So I believe it would be better for the nations to invest more funds into the well-known festivals, rather than stopping funding these special occasions. One key reason for my disagreement with
this
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 view is that these so-called festive
holidays
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 bring immense joy to their residents, strengthening the bonds between civilians, which may later come as an advantage not just for their communities, but
also
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 for their tourism, as the foreigners from overseas like exploring countries and their traditions.
Consequently
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, it may cause a great deal in financial statements restoring the consumed revenue of these celebrational
days
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,
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 or
may be
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maybe
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 with even more wealth in their capital. In my experience, Tashkent is a visiting place where two fifth of people are outsiders
,
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 when it comes to attending international
holidays
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 in Uzbekistan.
As a result
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, my country profits mostly because of
this
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 phenomenon. Another point against the proposal is that these festive
days
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 are of cultural and historical importance because they originated from our long-gone ancestors. And we would violate our decedents, as they have been carrying on these festivals for so long, since its emergence from the early times.
For example
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, our regional holiday Ramadan Eid
that
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apply
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has been carried on
from
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by
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 our forerunners, and will always be of
a
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significance
for
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in
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a
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the
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 long run for our region.
And restricting
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Restricting
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this
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 festival would be an issue
of
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not just
of
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for
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 our country, but
would rage
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even Islamic region itself, and most of our population. In conclusion, I conclude that these festive
days
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 are of crucial relevance for all residents of any nation, as these
days
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 deepen the relationship of the locals and should be managed with an enormous amount of money for these
holidays
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.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to indicate your stance more explicitly. You can mention both sides of the argument before stating your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea, making it easier for readers to follow your argument.
Lexical Resource
Try to avoid repetition, such as using 'festive days' and 'holidays' interchangeably. Use synonyms or rephrase to enhance lexical resource.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and reasoning against the idea of stopping funding for national celebrations.
Task Achievement
You provided personal experience to support your argument, which adds depth and authenticity to your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps maintain a coherent flow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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