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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and daily life is a good thing. Others think we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

There is no denying the fact that many
people
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 believe that
competition
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 at
work
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, at
school
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 and in daily life is a good thing,
while
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 others believe that we have to try to cooperate more,rather than competing against each other.
This
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 essay will analyze
this
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 topic from both sides of view. On the one hand,
competition
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 at
work
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 or at
school
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 has lots of benefits for workers and for students, competing at
work
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 may make the employees or the students more creative and they will feel the importance of their job or study.
For example
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, if a person does his or her
work
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 on time and the company add more money to the salary as an allowance, most employees will finish their
work
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 on time to get the additional money or allowance.
In addition
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 to that, students who compete in their colleges will always try to make their
work
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 the best they can do it.These types of
competition
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 will encourage
people
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 to do something as fast or as best as they can.
On the other hand
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, competing may have a negative effect on
people
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 who can not do things
as well as
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 they can for some reasons like poor or sick
people
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.
For example
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, a student might not do his or her
work
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 perfectly because he or she does not have enough money for it. Even in companies, workers might not finish their
work
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 as fast as they can because they may have diseases like high blood pressure or even be tired
on
Correct your spelling
one
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day , so they can not
work
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 for long hours. In conclusion,
competition
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 between
people
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 in
work
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,
school
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 and in daily life has a huge effect on
people
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. Many nations think it is a good idea, but others do not and they think we have to try to cooperate more ,
instead
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 of competing against each other. In my opinion, it is a good thing to make
competition
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 at
work
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, at
school
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 or even in our daily life.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to provide stronger topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to better introduce your main points.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are as detailed and relevant as possible to enhance your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your sentence structures to make the writing more engaging and complex.
task achievement
Provide a clearer and more specific conclusion that sums up your arguments more directly.
task achievement
You presented both views well and were able to articulate your own opinion clearly at the end of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrated a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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