IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that exercise is the key to health, while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Minh

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In the contemporary era, the best
way
Use synonyms
 to have
a
Remove the article
apply
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good health is a heated topic.
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While some
Correct word choice
Some
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 individuals believe that
workout
Correct your spelling
working
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 is the most efficient method to achieve a healthy life.
In contrast
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, others think that having a
balance
Change the verb form
balanced
show examples
 diet with enough
nutrient
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrients
show examples
 will make you more fit. Two aforementioned views will be discussed thoroughly in
following
Correct article usage
the following
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 paragraphs before presenting
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
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 perspective in the conclusion On the
one
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 hand, there are many reasons why
people
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 think that going to the gym
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 you more fit and healthier.
Firstly
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,
this
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 is
due to
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 the
argue
Replace the word
argument
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 that
one
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 can slim down
one
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's body
by
Change preposition
through
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 physical activities which can make
them
Correct pronoun usage
one
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 lose or gain
weght
Correct your spelling
weight
 in
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 healthy
way
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 say that
relating
Wrong verb form
relates
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 to
immune
Add an article
the immune
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system
Use synonyms
 because scientists believe that
workout
Correct your spelling
working
show examples
 can strengthen the immune
system
Use synonyms
, against diseases and
impaired
Wrong verb form
impair
show examples
 them.
For example
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, in 2020, COVID-19 is the most dangerous disease and the only
way
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 to protect
one
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 is
boost
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to boost
boosting
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one
Use synonyms
's immune
system
Use synonyms
 so
people
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 turn to exercise.
In addition
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, the seniors enjoy
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exercise classes to help them to fall asleep faster and deepen their sleep
On the other hand
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, I am of the opinion that the best
way
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 to improve health is having a balanced regimen in lifestyle.
This
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 is because I think that eating enough nutrients
include
Wrong verb form
including
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 macro and
micro nutrients
Correct your spelling
micronutrients
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 can keep
people
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's
bodied
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 fueled with the right proportions of vitamins
such
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 as vitamins a, b, c, d,
e
Correct word choice
and e
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, minerals and protein.
For example
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,
one
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 can not do
everythings
Correct your spelling
everything
 without energy
providing
Verb problem
apply
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which is
vital
Add an article
a vital
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 activity to
supplies
Replace the word
supply
show examples
 protein
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
oneself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
but overeating
also
Linking Words
causing
Wrong verb form
causes
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 obesity.
To begin
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, having a healthy diet
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
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 stay in shape and strengthen the immune
system
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.
To sum up
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, the others'
opinons
Correct your spelling
opinions
 are logical and sensible. From my perspective, I am keen on building a balanced regimen and providing enough nutrients.
Moreover
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, engaging in physical activities is as crucial as the aforementioned.

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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly indicates your main points and opinion. A more precise outline of what you will discuss would enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will help your essay flow more smoothly.
general
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and plural forms. This will strengthen your writing.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument fairly and made a clear personal stance, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your essay includes some relevant examples that illustrate your points, showing good engagement with the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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