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Writing Samples
Band 5

Schools are no longer necessary, because children can get so much information available through Internet, and they can study just as well at home. What extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some contentiously argue whether
schools
Use synonyms
 should still exist. Because of the broad access to knowledge on the internet, there is a common belief that it is more beneficial to study online inclusively.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that educational institutions play a pivotal role in the quality of information we study and
assure
Verb problem
ensure
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 that the whole society has basic knowledge about each subject.
To begin
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 with, the internet is full of fake news. Nowadays, more and more sources manipulate facts or publish untrue stories.
Websides
Correct your spelling
Websites
Website
 owners focus on increasing the number of audience, rather than educating them well. Those most often attract people and become significantly more popular than reliable online spots.
Therefore
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, studying at home
grows
Verb problem
increases
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 the chance
to use
Change preposition
of using
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wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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 sources.
Moreover
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,
schools
Use synonyms
 are creating a regime.
For instance
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, we have
regulated
Correct article usage
a regulated
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 amount of hours students spend on a specific subject and teachers take care that each individual would understand the topic. Lessons are set in
such
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 a way that everyone would certainly gain enough knowledge about major fields. If not
schools
Use synonyms
' staff, kids will not get
help
Add an article
the help
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 they need.
To conclude
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, even though remote education is currently more available, I opt for the old system because it tremendously
uprise
Verb problem
upsets
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 the flair for academic background. Getting a lot of information online not only does not mean it is a real gen, but
also
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 gives plenty of freedom to interpret it wrongly which teachers are preventing. Certainly, we are not yet ready to transform old-school
schools
Use synonyms
 into innovative, online studying.

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task achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to make your position clear.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread for grammatical errors and typos, for example 'Websides' should be 'Websites'.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing the role of teachers.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion on the topic, which is a strong aspect.
coherence and cohesion
You have structured your argument with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social development
  • fostering communication
  • personalized guidance
  • immediate feedback
  • replicated
  • structured environments
  • discipline
  • time management skills
  • extracurricular activities
  • nurture talents
  • inculcate
  • sense of community
  • shared learning experiences
  • equal access
  • learning opportunities
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