IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Students
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 nowadays are under a lot of pressure to achieve academic success in order to get into a good university or secure a well-paid job.
For
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this
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 reason, some people argue that
schools
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 need to focus on academic
subjects
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 and vocational
subjects
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 should
therefore
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 not be taught at
schools
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. I would argue that
while
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 academic
skills
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 are important,
schools
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 need to teach a wide range of both academic and more
skills
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-based
subjects
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.
Firstly
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,
school
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 should not only be about teaching academic
skills
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 but a wider range of life
skills
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 so that
students
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 can join society when leaving
school
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. Practical
subjects
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 can help to teach these
skills
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 to
students
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.
For example
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, physical education teaches
students
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 how to work as part of a team and
also
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 the importance of being healthy.
Furthermore
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, if cookery is taught
then
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students
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would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 learn a great deal about health and nutrition.
Secondly
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, academic
subjects
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 are not of equal importance for all
students
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. There is the possibility of including more practical non-academic
subjects
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 on the syllabus like woodwork, textile design and computing
skills
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. If they study these
subjects
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 admission will increase their employment prospects and could help them to secure employment when they leave
school
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. It is important to remember that not all
students
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 will continue to higher education and
schools
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 need to enable those
students
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 to find work.
Finally
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, too much pressure should not be put on
school
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students
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. Taking part in non-academic
subjects
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 like art, music or drama gives
students
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 the opportunity to be creative.
This
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 could help them to manage stress degrees and be more productive in other areas. In conclusion, I would argue that
although
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 academic
subjects
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 are important,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should not be the only focus of a
school
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 syllabus. There are a number of benefits to teaching
students
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 non-academic
subjects
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Task Achievement
Consider including a more explicit and clear thesis statement in your introduction, outlining your main argument more directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence to guide the reader on what to expect.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance fluency and engagement in your writing.
Task Achievement
Your points are relevant and showcase a good understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-organized and follows a logical structure, making it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
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