IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at pursuing aaj to buy things other people think that the advertising is so common that we no longer patterns on to it discuss those views and give your own opinion.

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It is argued that
advertisements
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 succeed in convincing
people
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 to buy things ,
while
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 others think that
ads
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 are common so
people
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 are less likely to rely on them.
However
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 , in my opinion, I think that
advertisements
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 are tremendously popular so
people
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 do not rely on them.
To begin
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 with ,
advertisements
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 are still a common way to make
people
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 purchase new items , like , online platforms as they become so popular , especially among teenagers . Advertising not only targets younger
people
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 to buy something
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 puts pressure on
people
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 to have what they see as soon as possible .
For example
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 , studies show that 70 per cent of
people
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 buy their cars or houses
due to
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 some advertising .
In addition
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 , some
people
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 rely on
advertisements
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 because they find them a reliable source to buy new things.
On the other hand
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 , these days
ads
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 are everywhere and year by year become less attractive.
Moreover
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,
people
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 believe that all
ads
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 are just tools for companies to earn money ,
therefore
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 , those
people
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 avoid watching
ads
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 . Not only because it is so common , but
also
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,
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apply
show examples
because
ads
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 are repetitive and boring .
For instance
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, in 2018 surveys have shown that the majority of
people
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 ignored the street advertisement and preferred to buy their items by their choice and in person.
To sum up
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 , it is true that
advertisements
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 can succeed in encouraging
people
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 to buy new stuff, but , I believe that advertising does not attract
people
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's attention anymore

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task achievement
You may want to enhance your introduction by clearly outlining the two opposing views before presenting your opinion. This provides a clearer context for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences could be more concise. For example, the phrase 'I think that advertisements are tremendously popular so people do not rely on them' could be simplified to 'I believe advertisements are too common to be influential.'
task achievement
In your supporting paragraphs, try to further develop your arguments with more examples or explanations. The points mentioned are relevant but could use more depth.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, like the studies showing the impact of advertising on significant purchases, enhances your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents a balanced view of the issue by discussing both sides before stating your opinion, which demonstrates good awareness of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • advertising
  • consumer behavior
  • brand loyalty
  • persuasive techniques
  • emotional appeal
  • visual imagery
  • desensitized
  • overexposure
  • marketing strategy
  • influencer marketing
  • word-of-mouth
  • saturation
  • case study
  • personal recommendation
  • ad-blocking software
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