IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The breakthroughs in medical science are by far the most significant advances in world society over the last two centuries. Discuss this statement and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, in many countries,
women
Use synonyms
 do not consider marriage necessary. One of the main reasons is that they can earn money independently. In the past, females often relied on their husbands for financial support. Now, many of them have stable jobs and do not need a man to provide for them.
First,
Linking Words
education plays a key role in helping
women
Use synonyms
 become financially independent. In many nations, they attend universities and develop valuable skills.
This
Linking Words
 allows them to work as doctors, teachers, engineers, and entrepreneurs. With a stable career, they can afford housing, food, and other necessities. Because of
this
Linking Words
, they do not have to marry for financial security.
Second,
Linking Words
modern
women
Use synonyms
 value their independence. Many prefer making their own choices without relying on a partner. When a woman earns her own income, she can live alone, travel, and pursue her dreams. She does not have to depend on a husband for money or ask for permission to do what she wants.
This
Linking Words
 gives her more freedom and confidence.
However
Linking Words
, marriage is still important for many people. Some
women
Use synonyms
 want a reliable life partner who will support them emotionally and share responsibilities. A strong relationship provides love, trust, and companionship. A family is not only about finances but
also
Linking Words
 about mutual care and understanding. The decision to get married should be personal, and every woman should be free to choose what is best for her life and happiness.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To strengthen the arguments presented, consider adding more specific examples or case studies that illustrate the points made. For instance, discussing a specific country where women's independence has increased could provide a stronger basis for your claims.
coherence and cohesion
You could improve coherence by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Linking ideas explicitly can help the reader follow your argument more easily. For example, when concluding one point and introducing the next, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' may enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion on the topic. The structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The use of simple and clear language contributes to the overall readability of your essay. It makes the argument accessible to a broad audience.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: