IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some businesses observe that people who just finished college have a hard time interacting with collegues in working as a team.What do you think is the reason behind this? What are your suggestions to address this problem?

#businesses #people #college #time #collegues #team #reason #suggestions #address
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There is no denying that many new graduates face some problems at their companies after their university
life
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. Some challenges of being a part of the
team
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 can originate from weak communication
skills
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 and a lack of
sense
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 of
responsibility
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. To struggle with these problems,
this
Linking Words
 essay will give some pieces of advice.
Initially
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, universities and schools provide many advantages to improve communication
skills
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 which would be effective in work-
life
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.
However
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,
students
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 who do not develop their
skills
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 in their student lives will encounter challenges the teamwork in their careers. To solve
this
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 problem,
students
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 should be encouraged to improve their verbal, written, and critical thinking
skills
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 by their teachers. Take an example, giving some tasks to
students
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such
Linking Words
 as presentations, and discussing some topics to assist in improving their verbal
skills
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.
Thus
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, they will be more active in their career.
Secondly
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, to gain a
sense
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 of
responsibility
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 brings many advantages to people. If they have some responsibilities in their education, daily or work
life
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 it provides a successful and confident people.
Moreover
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, they can undertake every single task in their working
team
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 and they can be more productive for their businesses. Developing a
responsibility
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sense
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 in children begins at home, and goes up at school.
Furthermore
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, when
students
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 take a step into their working
life
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 they can up in their
team
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 thanks to their early educations.
For example
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, having a pet and being responsible for it provides many opportunities to develop a
sense
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 of
responsibility
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, with the most basic method. In conclusion, because of some weaknesses in their education
life
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,
students
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 face some struggles with their colleagues on how to be a
team
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. Especially, working on gaining
responsibility
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 and improving communications
skills
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 are crucial for
students
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, personally. It bridges their working
life
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 and self-confidence.
Submitted by serab.5091 on

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task achievement
While your essay answers the prompt directly and fully, ensure each idea is expanded sufficiently with examples and explanations for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
To enhance cohesion, use more varied transitional phrases and avoid repetitive structures. This will make the essay's flow smoother.
task achievement
Ensure every main point is fully supported with relevant examples and detailed explanations. For instance, further develop how early responsibilities at home can prepare one for teamwork in a professional setting.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction provides a clear overview of what the essay will discuss and sets up the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion ties the essay together well, reinforcing the main points discussed.
task achievement
Your response addresses the prompt comprehensively, and you have included suggestions to solve the problem stated, which strengthens your task response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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