IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people think that students should be allowed to choose the subject that they study in school, whereas others feel that they should choose the curriculum. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #students #study #school #curriculum
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed by a group of people that
schools
 should allow learners to choose their
subjects
 for studying
while
 some might say they need to learn by following the
schools
' curriculum. In the following paragraphs, both viewpoints will be outlined before reaching my opinion. On the one hand, letting students select their
subjects
 helps them to be more focused
while
 they study. As they might already know what they want to be in the future and what
subjects
 are able to enhance their skills,
besides
 they are keen to learn and master in that fields.
For instance
, children who have made a decision to be programmers,
thus
 they desire
subjects
 that are related to coding or any computer-related skills. For that reason, they can concentrate and pursue their goals easily.
In addition
, studying what children like gives them an opportunity to maintain their mental health which is significant for them nowadays as they earn a lot of stress from other matters
such
 as family or society.
On the other hand
, in recent years, the curriculum has been used by many
schools
 around the world. It is thought and planned by experienced teachers or professors who have tons of knowledge about learning systems.
Moreover
,
this
 method suits children who still do not know what they want to learn, what they want to be or what they are experts at in the present. After they follow and finish these courses, they will understand about themselves and find their own way.
For example
, in Thailand, the Faculty of Engineering in many universities force their first-year students to learn all
subjects
 that are related to engineering
such
 as chemical, electrical or civil
subjects
.
Therefore
, when they finish their first year, they can decide which field they want to work in from now on.
Overall
, in my opinion, If youngsters fully decide their future already, the
schools
 must let them select which classes they want to attend.
However
, if they have no idea about their future career paths, it is the school's responsibility to help them find themselves by using the designed curriculum.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Try to develop a more nuanced introduction to better establish your thesis statement and perspective on the topic.
Coherence
Consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve flow and coherence between ideas and paragraphs.
Examples
Incorporate specific examples to vividly demonstrate your points. Real-life instances or statistical data can enhance your argument's impact.
Balance and Detail
Ensure a balanced discussion by equally elaborating on both views before stating your opinion, to strengthen the comprehensiveness of your response.
Conclusion
In the conclusion, strive to succinctly summarize the discussed views and your opinion to reinforce the essay's argumentative structure.
Balanced Analysis
You've effectively discussed both views, providing a clear understanding of differing perspectives.
Structure
Your writing structure, with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint and your opinion, enhances the readability of your essay.
Use of Examples
The use of examples, especially citing the educational approach in Thailand, gives concrete support to your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Engagement
  • Motivation
  • Specialized skill set
  • Maturity
  • Foresight
  • Well-rounded education
  • Disciplines
  • Fixed curriculum
  • Creativity
  • Personal growth
  • Core curriculum
  • Elective subjects
  • Foundational knowledge
  • Curriculum design
  • Autonomy
  • Hybrid approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: