IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is no denying the fact that kids nowadays stay in front of their smartphones for a long
time
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that technology is an easy
way
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 to entertain your
child
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, there is an argument that says it may be harmful to them.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
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One
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On
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one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand,
this
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 century is known to be the technology era century. Kids are buying
ipads
Correct your spelling
iPads
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 even before they learn how to walk. It may seem beneficial from
one
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 side, as mothers had a
way
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 to keep their
child
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 in
one
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 place and calm, so as to have
time
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 to do their other daily issues.
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Moreover
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Moreover,
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 screens are being embedded
to
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in
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 education,
most
Correct word choice
and most
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 of the modern schools use online platforms and websites for learning issues.
In other words
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, there no
way
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 for your
child
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 to not have a phone, even if it
sound
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sounds
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 to be harmful
from
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to
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 the other side.
On the other hand
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, there are many
researches
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types of research
pieces of research
kinds of research
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 published in the
last
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 years talking about brain rot, which is an event
occurs
Correct pronoun usage
that occurs
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to
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in
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 your mind when you use
phone
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the phone
a phone
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 for long hours daily.
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Also
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Also,
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 other researches encourage keeping your
child
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 out of screens until the age of 5 years, showing a significant number of parents who followed
this
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way
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.
for example
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, there is a modern
nurseries
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nursery
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 that provides the best educational techniques for the
child
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, through playing in groups, interactive learning and funny quizzes. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question.
In
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On
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 balance,
however
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, I would say that parents should be aware of all of the demerits of smartphones and try to spend more
time
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 with their kids, so as to decrease the
time
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 spent in front of screens.

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clarity
Consider rephrasing for clarity and grammatical accuracy, such as 'In this technological era' instead of 'this century is known to be the technology era century.'
depth
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument, such as data or studies regarding smartphone use among children.
structure
Ensure that your points are well-structured, perhaps by clearly separating the pros and cons in distinct paragraphs.
argumentation
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both pros and cons of children's smartphone usage.
organization
You effectively introduced the topic and provided your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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