IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Smoking is becoming increasingly popular among teenagers. What are the causes of this trend? What solutions can you give to this problem?

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It is undoubtedly that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 are addicted to smoking dramatically which is becoming prominent among them. When peer pressure and media exposure are responsible for going up tobacco consumption, practical options like
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and role
modeling
Change the spelling
modelling
show examples
 can help to reduce
this
Linking Words
 problem. There are a variety of different factors that have led to smoking. One of the major causes can be
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
peer pressure which makes
teenagers
Use synonyms
 do
this
Linking Words
 action
accidently
Correct your spelling
accidentally
 and they do
go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not want to be shameful in front of their friends. The second reason is that media exposure impacts on young generations` views. That means, in turn, smoking attracts
teenagers
Use synonyms
 itself unexpectedly. What I mean without
awareness
Correct article usage
the awareness
show examples
 of parents teens are going to imitate
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the adults who consume cigarettes frequently.
As a result
Linking Words
, youngsters start smoking and are used to consuming it. Despite some obvious reasons described above, there are several actions that individuals could take to solve the problems.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a simple solution would be to
smoking
Replace the word
smoke
show examples
 is doing
sports
Use synonyms
.
Because doing
Correct word choice
Doing
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 leads healthy lifestyle when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
Use synonyms
 take part in any kind of
sports
Use synonyms
 it will guarantee
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 mental and physical health. The second measure would be for teens to attend role modeling which provides
teenagers
Use synonyms
 with positive ideas.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it leads to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
smoking
Change preposition
in smoking
show examples
 and
to motivate
Change the verb form
motivates
show examples
 teens to be sociable.
For instance
Linking Words
, they make new friends and they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time to consume tobacco. By way of conclusion, despite some obvious reasons, various measures can be taken to tackle the problem of smoking,
sports
Use synonyms
 and role
modeling
Change the spelling
modelling
show examples
 are suitable
solution
Add an article
the solution
a solution
show examples
 to peer pressure and media exposure which
causes to
Verb problem
has
show examples
 become popular increasingly among
teenagers
Use synonyms
smoking
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.

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introduction enhancement
Consider rephrasing the introduction for clarity and impact. For example, you could start with a stronger statement about the increasing trend of smoking among teenagers.
clarity improvement
Clarify your points on peer pressure and media exposure by providing clearer examples or statistics to enhance understanding.
paragraph structure
Structure your paragraphs more distinctly. Each paragraph should ideally present one main idea clearly and develop it thoroughly before moving to the next.
grammar and fluency
Revise sentences for grammatical accuracy and fluency. For instance, 'going up tobacco consumption' could be rephrased to 'the increase in tobacco consumption'.
conclusion clarity
Ensure conclusions clearly summarize the main points made in the essay and provide a more definitive statement on the solutions offered.
content comprehension
You have identified key causes and solutions related to the issue of smoking among teenagers, showing a good understanding of the topic.
topic engagement
Your essay tackles an important social issue, and your concern for the well-being of teenagers is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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