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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that parents should teach their students to be good citizens, however believe that school should do this. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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There are conflicting views on whether
parents
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 or
schools
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 should be responsible for teaching
children
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 to be good citizens. Some people believe that
parents
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 should
instill
Change the spelling
instil
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 moral values and social responsibility,
while
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 others argue that
schools
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 play a crucial role in shaping
students
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’ character. Both perspectives have their own merits;
however
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, I believe that
parents
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 should take the primary role in
this
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 aspect. On the one hand, a significant number of people argue that
schools
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 should be responsible for teaching
students
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 to become good citizens, as
parents
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 already pay for their education.
Schools
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 are accountable not only for academic development but
also
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 for shaping
students
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’ personalities and ethical values.
Moreover
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, teachers are professionally trained and possess expertise in education, making them well-equipped to guide
students
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 toward becoming responsible members of society.
For instance
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, civics and moral education are often part of the school curriculum, helping
students
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 understand societal norms, ethics, and responsibilities.
On the other hand
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, despite the important role of
schools
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, many believe that
parents
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 should take primary responsibility for their
children
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's moral development. Since
parents
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 decide to have
children
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, they should
also
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 be accountable for their upbringing and future.
In addition
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,
children
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 spend a significant amount of time at home, making it an ideal environment for learning essential values
such
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 as kindness, respect, and responsibility.
Furthermore
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,
parents
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 can set an example by demonstrating good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 in everyday life.
For instance
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, attending parenting classes can help
parents
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 understand their responsibilities and learn effective ways to guide their
children
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 toward becoming well-rounded individuals. in conclusion,
although
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students
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 already get
Correct article usage
an educational
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educational
Replace the word
education
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school, they should get
in
Change preposition
into
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 the house for
Correct article usage
a balance
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balance educational
Replace the word
balanced education
show examples
 because roles from school and house are interconnected. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that
parents
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 have more time to teach their
childerns
Correct your spelling
children
.

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task achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction and conclusion more explicitly; state whether you completely agree with one side or the other.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes your main points effectively and reflects your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Improve transitions between ideas to enhance the logical flow of your essay, which will strengthen coherence.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your arguments; they will make your points more compelling and clear.
task achievement
You present a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your points are relevant to the topic, showcasing a good understanding of the issue at hand.
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