IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that the government should support artists like musicians, painters, and poets, while others argue that this is a misuse of funds. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, an issue that has fueled a
heater
Replace the word
heated
show examples
 debate is whether the
art
Use synonyms
 of various
artists
Use synonyms
 is worth spending the national money on or not. Some individuals deem that for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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artistic development,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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government
Use synonyms
 funds should be allocated to the
artists
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.
While
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 other mindsets reckon that it is a waste of money and resources.
This
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 essay intends to analyse both
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
show examples
, I,
however
Linking Words
, side with the former view. To commence with, fixing a budget, specifically for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 encourages the preservation of
Use synonyms
nation's
Correct article usage
the nation's
show examples
 culture, and history.
For instance
Linking Words
, if there
will be
Wrong verb form
is
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 no funding
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
artists
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, they will struggle to hone their skills to perfection. The scarcity of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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resources can lead to
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
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 of
such
Linking Words
art
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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, the
government
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 fundings not only support the
artists
Use synonyms
 but
also
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 help in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cultural preservation.
Moreover
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, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
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craftsmen, musicians, poets, and other
artists
Use synonyms
 are supported by the authorities, they can be encouraged to take their
art
Use synonyms
 to the international level.
As a result
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, the reputation of the
nation
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 is promptly built worldwide.
On the other hand
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, some folks have contrary,
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 as they believe that these funds can be used for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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national problems,
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 education, healthcare, infrastructure, etc
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
 To explain, resolving
the
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apply
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national issues will benefit the whole
nation
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while
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 supporting
art
Use synonyms
 will only target a small population.
Although
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 contributing to the support of
art
Use synonyms
 is crucial, the significant problems of the country cannot be neglected.
Thus
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, the
artists
Use synonyms
 should look out for private sponsorships to fund their
art
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the
government
Use synonyms
 should add that money to the budget for the necessary problems. In conclusion, the advocacy for providing
government
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fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
 to the
artists
Use synonyms
 is grounded in its proven benefits to boost creativity and preserve the country's culture. Proactive efforts by the
government
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 can catalyse a surge in the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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art
Use synonyms
 in the
nation
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. How
art
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 can be supported
while
Linking Words
 managing the budget for the urgent and crucial issues of the country is something that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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government
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official
Fix the agreement mistake
officials
show examples
 should work
upon
Change preposition
on
show examples
.

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language
Be careful with spelling and grammar errors, as they can detract from the overall clarity of your writing. For example, 'heater debate' should be 'heated debate' and 'fundings' should just be 'funding' as it is uncountable. Also, use appropriate conjunctions when connecting ideas, such as 'while' should not be preceded by a comma in this context.
structure
Introduce your points more clearly using topic sentences for each paragraph to help guide the reader through your argument. This improves logical structure and ensures your ideas are immediately clear.
examples
While your examples support your arguments, consider integrating more specific examples or data that might strengthen your argument about the benefits of artistic funding, such as mentioning successful government art programs in specific countries.
content
The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
content
You have included a clear opinion in your conclusion, which is important for this type of task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • cultural diversity
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • trickle-down effect
  • national pride
  • artistic independence
  • government funding
  • taxpayer burden
  • compromise integrity
What to do next:
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