Some believe that the government should support artists like musicians, painters, and poets, while others argue that this is a misuse of funds. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Nowadays, an issue that has fueled a heated debate is whether the craftsmanship of various
artists
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is worth spending the national money on or not. Some individuals deem that for artistic development,
government
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funds should be allocated to the
artists
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.
While
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other mindsets reckon that it is a waste of money and resources.
This
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essay intends to analyse both perspectives, I,
however
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, side with the former view. To commence with, fixing a budget, specifically for
art
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encourages the preservation of the
nation
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's culture, and history.
For instance
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, if there is no funding for the
artists
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, they will struggle to hone their skills to perfection. The scarcity of resources can lead to the extinction of
such
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art
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.
Hence
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, the
government
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fundings not only support the
artists
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but
also
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help in cultural preservation.
Moreover
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, when craftsmen, musicians, poets, and other
artists
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are supported by the authorities, they can be encouraged to take their
art
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to the international level.
As a result
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, the reputation of the
nation
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is promptly built worldwide.
On the other hand
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, some folks have contrary opinions as they believe that these funds can be used for national problems,
such
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as education, healthcare, infrastructure, etc, To explain, resolving national issues will benefit the whole
nation
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while
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supporting
art
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will only target a small population.
Although
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contributing to the support of
art
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is crucial, the significant problems of the country cannot be neglected.
Thus
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, the
artists
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should look out for private sponsorships to fund their
art
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while
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the
government
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should add that money to the budget for the necessary problems. In conclusion, the advocacy for providing ministry funding to the
artists
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is grounded in its proven benefits to boost creativity and preserve the country's culture. Proactive efforts by the
government
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can catalyse a surge in the development of
art
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in the
nation
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. How
art
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can be supported
while
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managing the budget for the urgent and crucial issues of the country is something that
government
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officials should work on.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well and outlines the two main views effectively. However, you could make your opinion slightly clearer by explicitly stating your position in the introduction rather than just at the end of the paragraph.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your main points are elaborated upon to provide a deeper understanding. For instance, your arguments on both sides could include more specific examples or illustrations to solidify your claims, enhancing the clarity and depth of your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use transitional phrases to improve the flow of your essay. Phrases like 'On the contrary' or 'Furthermore' could help connect your ideas more fluidly between paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your conclusion, reiterate your main arguments. While you mention the government’s role, reiterating the advantages of supporting the arts directly in connection to the main points discussed would strengthen your conclusion.
Content Quality
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both perspectives, which is important in an argumentative essay.
Language Quality
Your writing displays a good range of vocabulary and a variety of sentence structures, which adds interest to your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • cultural diversity
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • trickle-down effect
  • national pride
  • artistic independence
  • government funding
  • taxpayer burden
  • compromise integrity
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