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Band 6.5

The percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000

#percentage #men #women #four #countries
The double bar charts demonstrate the rate of males and females from 60 to 64 years old employment between 1970 and 2000 in four different
countries
. The units are measured in per cent per city.
Overall
, it can be seen that the figures for males are more considerable than that for females.
Additionally
, the gaps between the two years are more noticeable in the chart for men than for women. Looking at the chart for females, where there are two similar points in two couples of
countries
. As for Australia, its percentage of old employment in 2000 was 16%, quite smaller than that in 1970 at 18%,
however
, the figures for both years in these
countries
 were twice as high as in Belgium at around 8%. With regard to the USA and Japan, where the percentage ranged from 36% to 43% in 2000, the proportions in 1970 show the similarity when logged around 38% and 40%. Turning to the remaining statistic, where the proportions in 2000 are higher than in 1970. Belgium exhibited the biggest difference where the number in 2000 was 79%, 4 times higher than 19% in 1970. The second-ranked discrepancy is in Australia, where the number in 2000 was 76% compared to 47% in 1970. In regard to the remaining
countries
, the degrees in 2000 in the USA and Japan were 73% and 86%, both higher than in 1970 at 55% and 74% respectively.
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introduction conclusion
Your essay begins with a clear introduction that sets the context, but a concluding paragraph summarizing the information would enhance it further.
logical structure
You can improve cohesion by using more linking phrases and ensuring smoother transitions between different sections of the essay.
relevant specific examples
Some details in the explanation were clear and relevant, but including more specific figures and comparing more directly between years and genders would provide a clearer picture.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay clearly distinguishes the differences in employment rates between men and women and between different countries.
complete response
The task response is comprehensive, providing detailed analysis of each country and year.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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