IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other believe that sport in school is a vital part of education. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Nowadays students don’t have a lot of movement in their daily lives.
Although
Linking Words
 there have always been different views that argue if
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 time is necessary in schools or not, one of them seems more convincing to me. I will discuss both perspectives
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and give my personal opinion. It has been discovered by science that physical activity improves mental well-being. Higher mental status brings
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 understanding of school lessons.
For example
Linking Words
, my sister who has
problem
Add an article
a problem
show examples
 in mathematics
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
 all of her math homework
to do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
after her karate class because exercise gives her
needed
Correct article usage
the needed
show examples
 energy
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
her
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to cope with math giant. Another thing about
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 class is discipline and teamwork. Children learn how to have less struggle with their peers, and
also
Linking Words
 learn how their work affects other people. On the other side, spending money on
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 facilities is just
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of money.
However
Linking Words
, if schools and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 resist
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 on these they should keep it for insurance and medical care in future as doing exercise
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
direct
Add an article
a direct
show examples
 connection with health
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 in
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, people who have lived their whole life in villages would have less trouble when they get old because of having
tones
Correct your spelling
tons
show examples
 of movement in a day.
This
Linking Words
 group
also
Linking Words
 put up
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in
study-time
Correct your spelling
study time
show examples
 by increasing
sport
Use synonyms
 time. As I said mental health makes
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 environment for learning, and the most important thing which helps
resisting
Wrong verb form
resist
show examples
 mental problems is
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
. I strongly agree that
sport
Use synonyms
-time plays a pivotal role in
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 and future of children.
To sum up
Linking Words
, schools
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and governmental organizations had better
to
Remove the marker
apply
show examples
include some exercise plans
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 students’
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
.

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improvement
Make sure to clearly express your viewpoint in the introduction and conclusion to strengthen your argument.
improvement
Try to ensure that each point is clearly supported with well-structured arguments and examples to enhance your case.
improvement
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity.
positive
You presented both sides of the argument which is essential for this type of essay.
positive
Your examples, particularly about your sister, are relatable and provide insight into the importance of sports.
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