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Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for people to take risks both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do u think the advantage of taking risk outweighs the disadvantages.

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It is said that it is significant for humans to take risks both in their career lives and their personal lives.
While
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 some people say that making a serious wrong decision leads to a substantial loss when it can be avoided, there is
also
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 an opposing argument that engaging in a risky choice probably opens a new opportunity in our life. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss both perspectives and analyze them.
One
Use synonyms
 of the remarkable benefits of taking risks is that it provides new challenges to success. Supporting
this
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 idea does not only boost chances but
also
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 enhances critical thinking, personal growth, and analytical skills. To illustrate, if an individual has a huge amount of experience and at
one
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 time fails and
another
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at another
show examples
 time succeeds, they will become an expert. Many scientists can be a prime example. In the beginning, most of them failed in their innovations, but they learned from their mistakes and
finally
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 succeeded.
On the other hand
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,
one
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 of the major disadvantages of taking a risk is that it leads to excessive trouble and cannot be addressed easily.
Furthermore
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, it could affect health and mental well-being.
Consequently
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, it is considered
one
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 of the causes of depression. A research study conducted by Cambridge University,
for instance
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, investigated the reasons for depression and other diseases that occurred among businessmen. The results showed that they could not handle a substantial loss of their funds. In conclusion,
although
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 many people prefer taking risks because it helps them improve their personality and life learning, it has several disadvantages,
such
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 as physical and psychological negative impacts.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to the main argument of the essay.
task achievement
Try to balance the discussion of advantages and disadvantages more evenly in terms of detail and explanation.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument and acknowledges multiple perspectives on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Good use of linking phrases to transition between ideas and maintain flow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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