IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the technologically driven world, the
internet
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 plays an integral part in human life. There is no denying that social sites have harmful
content
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due to
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this
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 a considerable amount of
people
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 believe that policymakers should be censoring the
content
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 as the only solution to mitigate
this
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 issue. I think that a balanced approach is more effective. First of all, Government censoring helps to eliminate extremely dangerous
content
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such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
 hate
speech
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, child exploitation and misinformation.
For example
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, a country like Germany has a law to stop hate
speech
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 online and make the
internet
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 a safe place for
people
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.
As a consequence
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,
people
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 know the limitations and boundaries of posting
content
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.
However
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, censoring the
content
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 has
also
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 taken the freedom of
speech
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 as it is the basic right of individuals.
Although
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, through social sites like Instagram and Facebook
people
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 express their personalities and emotions.
For Instance
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, in many countries, the Government censors social sites for political reasons.
Hence
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, it is important for policymakers to focus on regulation and prevent freedom of
speech
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.
Moreover
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, education plays an indispensable role in terms of giving a sense of good or bad
content
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. it is pivotal to provide general information to
people
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, especially young ones to identify the harmful
content
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 by themselves and block them on the
internet
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.
As a result
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 of
this
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internet
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 become a safe place for everyone and there is no need for special censoring. In conclusion,
Although
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 censoring by the Government will remove harmful
content
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while
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 looking for other ways to reduce it is an effective way to overcome
this
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 by freedom of
speech
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 and personal responsibilities make technology the safest place for humans.

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task achievement
Expand your introduction to provide a clearer overview of your argument and include a thesis statement that explicitly states your position on government censorship.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to enhance the logical flow of your ideas and ensure that they relate directly to your main argument.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, summarize your main points more effectively and reinforce your position on the issue to provide a stronger closing argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for small grammatical errors and sentence structure issues, as these can distract from your overall message and impact clarity.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, such as the reference to Germany's law against hate speech, which illustrates your argument well.
task achievement
You recognize the importance of freedom of speech and education in your analysis, demonstrating a balanced perspective on the issue.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Censorship
  • Freedom of expression
  • Hate speech
  • Misinformation
  • Extremism
  • Regulations
  • Cyberbullying
  • Self-regulation
  • Transparency
  • Vulnerable groups
  • Algorithms
  • Digital culture
  • Personal freedoms
  • Illegal content
  • Internet safety
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