IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Some people believe that the major concern of environmental degradation is
Use synonyms
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
show examples
 of certain
species
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 others think that there are problems which are worse than these. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both perspectives and give my opinion. Animal and plant
species
Use synonyms
 co-exist to maintain a balanced environment. So any disruption can lead to
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
 of certain plant or animal
kingdom
Fix the agreement mistake
kingdoms
show examples
 and it could
cause
Use synonyms
 environmental damage.
For example
Linking Words
, in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 agriculture field, snakes are
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
essential to control rodents but the farmers are killing snakes to prevent accidental
bite
Fix the agreement mistake
bites
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, without
snakes
Add a comma
snakes,
show examples
 there will be
increase
Add an article
an increase
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 in
rats
Fix the agreement mistake
rat
show examples
 count and
cause
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 more damage to the crops. There are numerous studies state that honey bees are the most important
species
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 to maintain
bio-diversity
Correct your spelling
biodiversity
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. Without
bees
Add a comma
bees,
show examples
 pollination is reduced and it
predispose
Change the verb form
predisposes
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 to less afforestation.
However
Linking Words
, bees act as the carrier of
pollan
Correct your spelling
pollen
show examples
 grains which are
prime
Correct article usage
a prime
show examples
 need for
production
Correct article usage
the production
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 of seeds. Even though
Use synonyms
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
 of
species
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 causes environmental problems
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are other important factors which are most deadly.
For example
Linking Words
,
pollution
Use synonyms
 plays
significant
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a significant
show examples
 role in harming
environment
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the environment
show examples
. Modern technological development caused more industrial wastes which are polluting the land and water.
In addition
Linking Words
,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in plastic usage
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cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 land
pollution
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 and industrial
chemical
Fix the agreement mistake
chemicals
show examples
 without
filteration
Correct your spelling
filtration
mixes
Correct subject-verb agreement
mix
show examples
 with fresh water and
cause
Use synonyms
 water
pollution
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, air
pollution
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 from fossil fuel usage
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cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 global warming. In conclusion, both
Use synonyms
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
 of
species
Use synonyms
 and
pollution
Use synonyms
 can lead to environmental damage. So, these two
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to be taken care of to prevent environmental collapse. Because
Use synonyms
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
 of
single
Correct article usage
a single
show examples
species
Use synonyms
 can alter
food
Add an article
the food
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 chain and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
lead to other
species
Use synonyms
suffer
Wrong verb form
suffering
show examples
. People should be more cautious and use electric vehicles and biodegradable materials to avoid
pollution
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider revising your introduction for clarity. Clearly state the topic and provide a brief overview of your stance. It helps set the tone for the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs by using more linking words and phrases to connect ideas.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to support your main points; this will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issues.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy by proofreading your work. There are minor errors that can be polished to enhance clarity and professionalism.
Task Achievement
You have a clear opinion and structure in your essay, making it easy to follow your argument.
Task Achievement
Your use of real-world examples, such as snakes in agriculture and honey bees, shows an attempt to ground your argument in reality, which is commendable.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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