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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Full-time university students need to spend most of their time studying. Some people, however, claim that students needed to be involved in other activities as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is argued that university tutees should involve themselves in other
activities
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, not just studies. I agree with the above statement and will shed light on the reasons with relevant examples in the following paragraphs. The first and foremost reason for students to engage themselves in other
activities
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 is to enhance their knowledge and experience,
such
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 as by joining sports, not only do they learn the rules and regulations of any game, but they will
also
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 learn teamwork.
Moreover
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, getting some breaks from learning
also
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 freshens the mind and gives a proactive approach to solving theoretical problems. A case study was held in the United States in 2011 that pupils with extracurricular
activities
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 take less time to solve mathematical problems,
however
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, students who spend all their time studying take 2 hours extra, which proved that other
activities
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 can
also
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 enhance the efficiency to complete the tasks.
Hence
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, other
activities
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 play a crucial role in a scholar's life.
Secondly
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, academic studies are significant for particular qualifications
such
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 as a Bachelor of Applications, to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 the basic requirements to acquire a job,
however
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, some youngsters prefer to follow their passion only
along with
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 their studies.
For example
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, my friend Rohan pursued a Bachelor of Computer Application in the same batch, but he involved himself in every event
such
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 as party organizing, and event planning his main motive was to sharpen his skills for managing any job, and now he is the director of the managing department.
Therefore
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, having extra
activities
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also
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 leads to a bright future.
To conclude
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, theoretical knowledge to essential to gain knowledge,
nevertheless
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, having other
activities
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 will teach responsibilities, and sharpen the skills, and experiences of teamwork.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all arguments presented are clearly linked to your main thesis to enhance logical flow.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence for your claims to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Clear stance taken on the topic, expressing agreement with the need for extracurricular activities.
task achievement
Good use of personal experience to illustrate a point in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • full-time students
  • devote time to studying
  • academic achievement
  • extracurricular activities
  • personal development
  • stress management
  • mental health
  • interpersonal skills
  • networking
  • time management
  • well-rounded education
  • balance academic and personal life
  • career opportunities
  • holistic development
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